Bandits
by HealerAriel
Summary: Van and company meet up with a dynamic duo of thieves during their travels. Rating for language. VanFiona, MoonbayIrvine, Thomaspain and humiliation to the extreme. Muahahah! Chappie 16!
1. Bandits

Millerna: Oh lord, Erin.  
  
HealerAriel: What?  
  
Millerna: Come on. The Zelda characters, the Animorphs, and the Harry Potter characters weren't enough for you? You have to screw up the lives of the Zoids twips too?  
  
HealerAriel: I'll have you know that I will do nothing of the sort. It's just that...watching Zoids makes me get very emotional.  
  
Millerna: Uh huh. This would be why you scream "Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her!" at the screen whenever Van and Fiona are alone in a scene?  
  
HealerAriel: Yep. And why I always bad-mouth him when he doesn't.  
  
Millerna: ...Yet you won't let me and Link make out?  
  
HealerAriel: ...Oh shut up. The fact is, EVERYONE wants to see Van and Fiona get their groove on. Same goes for Bit and Leena, although I'm more concerned with the Guardian Force characters at the present time.  
  
Millerna: Why?  
  
HealerAriel: 'Cause that's the series that's playing now ^_^;  
  
Millerna: Flighty fan-girl.  
  
HealerAriel: Horny psycho-bitch.  
  
Both: Whoa, that was good!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Blame my little brother. He's gotten me so hooked on Zoids! (Besides, anime guys don't come any hotter than Van, Irvine, and Bit ^_^; Oooooooh, and today's the episode where we get to see Van with his shirt off! Oh baby! Ahem. Sorry 'bout that...) Anyway, I figured I could write a Zoids fic. And dammit, I'm makin' Van and Fiona kiss! Hee hee, eventually...Van's got some nice abs, by the way. Oh-so sexy! And this is sort of how Zoids would be if it were in the Adult Swim lineup. Occasional curses and all.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You'd think she'd be able to come up with a new song," Irvine grumbled, as Moonbay began to sing her theme music again. For the thirtieth time that night, in a voice just as off-key as it had ever been.  
  
"Or at least some new verses so it would be less repetative," Van agreed. Moonbay either hadn't heard, or decided to ignore them both, because she continued with all her heart and soul,  
  
"I AM A...TRANSPORTER...OF THE WASTELAND!" and so on and so forth, until all of her previously established lyrics were sung, and she had to begin again from the start. Fiona was being her normal, quiet self. She was also riding with Moonbay at the time, which was strange, considering the MONSTER crush she had on Van. Too bad the boy was oblivious to it, as far as she knew. Anyway, a few minutes of Moonbay's somewhat less-than-angelic voice later, the girls got one of those shibby little speaker messages from Van, saying that a military base not far off had just been robbed.  
  
"Let me guess," Moonbay mused, "they want us to track down the thief."  
  
"More or less," he replied.  
  
"Did they clue you in on what the thief took off with?" she asked. Irvine laughed.  
  
"Believe it or not, a generous portion of the base's food stores," he said, still chuckling. "Doesn't sound like a real bad guy to me. Just hungry."  
  
"Well, the good news is, it's obviously not anyone we know," Van said. "Somebody like Raven or Hiltz wouldn't waste their time on food."  
  
"They would if there weren't any restaurants handy," Irvine said.  
  
"Oh, very funny," Van shot back. "Either way, we have to be on our guard for the- WHOA!" A large black Zoid had just zipped right in front of him.  
  
"Who wants to bet that that's our guy?" Irvine offered, gleefully readying himself for a fight.  
  
"Hmm...must do this kind of thing all the time..." Moonbay said as they chased after the suspect's Zoid, which could now be distinguished as a much lighter, sleeker version of the Liger type.  
  
"What do you mean?" Fiona asked.  
  
"Well, think about it; his Zoid's built for speed, plus it's jet black. Not only would he be able to make a really quick getaway, but he's damn near impossible to see in the dark. Perfect for someone who lives by stealing." Fiona nodded.  
  
"Yes, that does make sense," she said.  
  
Van, meanwhile, was getting very frustrated. The thief's Liger was much faster than his, and he was pulling farther ahead. Even Irvine wasn't half as fast as the black Zoid. Then again, Van decided, Irvine wasn't exactly trying very hard - he was staying at an easy lope.  
  
"I say we let him go," Irvine chuckled. "The guy's not doing any harm taking a pizza or two, after all."  
  
"No way," Van said stubbornly, lowering his guns. "If I can't catch him, I'll stop him!" He locked the guns onto the enemy Liger and prepared to fire.  
  
WHAM! Something huge had powered itself into him, knocking him off balance. His missiles shot straight into the sky as he fell over. The rest of the company came to a complete halt as a new Zoid positioned itself between them and the black Liger.  
  
"Don't you mess with him!" a female voice commanded viciously from the cockpit of the black Command Wolf. This Zoid, too, was built more for speed than for battle. Obviously the two were a team of sorts. Van cocked his guns again, but before he could shoot, the enemy pilot fired a few shots of her own at him.  
  
"I mean it!" she yelled. "Leave my brother alone!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Your brother is a thief, ma'am," Van said.  
  
"Don't you "ma'am" me, you moron!" his opponent snapped. "Not everyone's as well off as you Guardian Force dickheads!"  
  
"Hey! Watch it with the dickhead stuff!" Moonbay said, sounding somewhat amused nonetheless. "There happen to be two girls here, too!"  
  
"She just called me a dickhead, and you don't care?!" Van raged.  
  
"Cool it, Rambo, I was just making a point," the enemy informed. Irvine was suddenly overcome with a fit of laughter.  
  
"WHAT IS SO FUNNY?!" Van yelled.  
  
"Y-You are kind of trigger-happy, there, partner," Irvine managed, before cracking up again. Now, however, Moonbay joined in, and Fiona giggled. Van let out a roar of anger, which only made everyone laugh harder.  
  
  
  
(A/N- and, as this is modeled after a cartoon, we now, with no transition whatsoever, cut to Van and company sitting around a fire on the ground.)  
  
  
  
"I don't trust them," Van said, poking a stick into the flames as they waited for the thief's sister to catch up with him and bring him back.  
  
"Lighten up," Moonbay said, leaning back with her hands behind her head. "The girl's funny."  
  
"Watch, as soon as we go to sleep, they'll rob us blind," Van grumbled in all pessimism.  
  
"Have some faith, Rambo," the cocky female voice from before said. Van turned around, and was shocked to see that she couldn't have been a day older than sixteen. The boy who came up from behind her was taller than her, but unmistakably in his early teens.  
  
"Y-You're just kids!" Van exclaimed.  
  
"Impressive kids," Irvine added. The two teens smiled brightly at the compliment, and sat down with the rest of the group. The girl tossed a canvas bag to Moonbay.  
  
"Dinner," she said, grinning. Fiona began to laugh.  
  
"You know what I just realized? We haven't even been properly introduced yet!" She gestured to each of her comrades in turn. "This is Moonbay, Irvine, Van, and I'm Fiona Alisi Lynette. But, just call me Fiona."  
  
"I'm Alandria," the girl said. "And this is my little brother."  
  
"Mercutio," the boy added, pointing to himself. Van found it hard to believe that Alandria's little brother was so much taller than she was, as the bag of stolen bounty was passed around the group.  
  
"Then we have one thing still amiss," Moonbay said. "Why do you guys steal food?" Alandria took a huge bite out of a chicken leg before responding.  
  
"'Cause we don't have any money to buy it," she informed, still ripping at the chicken as though she hadn't eaten in days. And, judging by the way Mercutio was shoveling food into his mouth, they probably *hadn't* eaten in days.  
  
"That's not really what I meant," Moonbay clarified. "I meant, why are you kids out here by yourselves stealing things? Where are your parents?" Alandria and Mercutio exchanged dark glances.  
  
"Our parents..." Mercutio's voice trailed off. He tried again. "They...they were in the war when we were little. They didn't come back."  
  
"We lived with foster families for a few years, but..."  
  
"We sort of..."  
  
"Ran away," Alandria finished. Van and company were silent.  
  
"Oh my God," Fiona said after a few moments. Alandria's grin reappeared.  
  
"Please, stop with the pity," she said. "We do pretty well for ourselves."  
  
"Have been for the last six years," Mercutio added.  
  
"You've been rogue thieves for six years?" Van asked incredulously. Alandria and Mercutio grinned.  
  
"We prefer 'bandits,'" they said in unison.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Well, any good? You love it, you hate it? Tell me.) 


	2. Plans, and Ridin' a Republican

Millerna: You got a single review, Erin. That is an all-time low.  
  
HealerAriel: Not really. Some stories of mine have been up for months and only have one or two reviews. And I just got a really idiotic flame on my Harry Potter fic, calling me an "f-ing homophobe" because I didn't make the Marauders gay.  
  
Millerna: Geez, people are such shits sometimes. Besides, I've talked to the Marauders; they said they were glad, that doing another slash scene would have made them all puke. Then I had to bash Sirius's brains out 'cause he was hitting on me, but...  
  
HealerAriel: Yeah, gotta love Sirius. He's one horny honey.  
  
Millerna: Cute kid, though.  
  
HealerAriel: Yeah. But now, we get to the cute anime guys.  
  
Millerna: Okay.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van and his companions continued to study Alandria and Mercutio as they ate their fill from the bag. Both were very slender; but of robust build, so you could tell that, had they been well-fed, they would have been big. Both wore clothing of black suede with black leather boots. A bandanna held Mercutio's shaggy blond hair out of his blue eyes, and Alandria's light brown hair was in an interesting style with spikes on top and the rest flowing freely down her back.  
  
It was also apparent, now that the two were close, that they'd probably been in quite a few fights, judging by the faint scars that their faces and hands bore in assorted locations; Alandria had one long scar over her right eye. These, however, did little to disguise the fact that both of them were quite good-looking. The term 'pretty', in fact, could have been applied just as easily to Mercutio as to his sister. Without their battle scars, the two would have been positively stunning.  
  
Suddenly, Irvine began to laugh.  
  
"What'll the military bases say," he wondered, "when they realize that they've been so expertly burglarized by two kids?" Mercutio promptly dropped his twelfth piece of chicken, and Alandria's face paled.  
  
"Y-you're turning us in?" she asked in horror.  
  
"You've broken the laws of both the Empire and the Republic," Van said simply. "We have to."  
  
"No," Mercutio said. "You can't. They'd throw us into prison!"  
  
"Or an orphanage," Alandria added.  
  
"Still, as an officer of the military, I must uphold the law," Van replied.  
  
"Aw, give them a break, big, important Lieutenant," Irvine teased, elbowing Van in the side. "Better to steal than to starve." Van gave him a sideways glare.  
  
"Why do I get the distinct impression that you're on their side?"  
  
"Because I am."  
  
"Ah. Trust the mercenary to side with the thieves."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This happens often, I take it?" Alandria asked softly of Moonbay a few nights later, gesturing to where Van and Fiona had gone off by themselves again. The girls sat up on a hill above their makeshift campsite, so as not to disturb Mercutio and Irvine as they slept.  
  
"Heh, very often," Moonbay replied. "And I don't think either of them realizes that they have the hots for each other."  
  
"Doesn't take a genius," Alandria smirked. "Maybe she figures Rambo'll get weird if she confesses."  
  
"And he probably thinks the same thing about her," Moonbay agreed. "They're so immature." Alandria's smirk grew.  
  
"I wouldn't be so quick to judge," she said easily, "I know of a certain transporter and mercenary who won't admit their feelings either..." Moonbay instantly became very flustered.  
  
"Th-there is nothing between me and Irvine!" she insisted.  
  
"Wouldn't mind having a piece of him though, would you?"  
  
"...I refuse to answer that," Moonbay said. Alandia leaned back and steepled her fingers.  
  
"Eeeeeexcellent," she hissed deviously. Moonbay gave her a strange look.  
  
"What's 'eeeeexcellent'?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing," Alandria responded airily. 'Just thinking about playing matchmaker,' she added silently. "So, tell me, Moonbay; has Fiona ever talked to you about her little crush on Rambo? Or vice versa?" Moonbay thought for a while.  
  
"No, never."  
  
"Ah. There's my first mission then."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't like this," Alandria said for the fiftieth time, as the company made their way to the military base where they were to join Thomas (A/N- I hate Thomas.). "I swear, they'll arrest us."  
  
"No they won't," Fiona assured. "They've never seen you two."  
  
"Yeah, but they've seen Darkness and SpiritWind, though," Alandria muttered.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Our Zoids," Alandria specified. "What, you people don't name your Zoids?"  
  
"No," Moonbay answered.  
  
"You should try it," Alandria said. "They like having names, don't you SpiritWind?" Her Zoid, as if in answer, howled. Irvine, Fiona, and Moonbay looked at the Command Wolf and its pilot with big anime sweatdrops.  
  
"Oookay then," Irvine said. He looked out into the distance. "Speaking of, Darkness is kicking Blade Liger's ass out there."  
  
"WOOOHOOO!" Mercutio yelled loudly over the intercom-y things in the Zoids. "Come on, Van! You move so sloooooowwwwlllyyy! HAHA!"  
  
"SLOWLY!?" Van bellowed. "I'LL SHOW YOU SLOWLY!" Van put on his speed boosters and continued to chase after Darkness.  
  
"Aw, come on, you chick!" Mercutio taunted. "I'm not even running, here!" True, instead of going at full speed, Mercutio was keeping his Liger at a jaunty trot. He was still far ahead of Van, and Van *was* at full speed. Alandria shook her head.  
  
"Fighting for dominance. Oy vey."  
  
"It's a guy thing," Irvine informed. "We have to prove who's got the biggest ba-"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGG!" Van raged, as Mercutio made the decision to jump over his Zoid repeatedly.  
  
"LEAPFROG!" Mercutio laughed. "Come on, you sissy, I'm doing circles around you!" And, in addition to leaping over Van's Liger, Mercutio was indeed running around him in circles.  
  
"DAMMIT!" Van yelled. "ZEKE! STOP SLACKING!" Zeke gave a roar of disapproval. "WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T GO ANY FASTER?!"  
  
"I think he means he can't go any faster, Van," Irvine said, smirking. "Heh heh heh."  
  
"STAY OUT OF IT, YOU JERK!"  
  
"Whatever you say, O Lieutenant. Not my fault you're getting your Republican ass kicked by a fourteen-year-old kid."  
  
"GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!"  
  
"I think your boy-toy's upset, Fiona," Irvine stated.  
  
"What?" Fiona asked. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Youlikehim!" Irvine coughed.  
  
"YoulikeMoonbay!" Alandria coughed at Irvine. Irvine became very quiet, very quickly. "Muahahaha! Secret's out, Irvy!"  
  
"Shaddup," Irvine mumbled.  
  
"Irvine and Moonbay, sittin' in a tree," Alandria chanted in a singsong voice, "F-U-C-"  
  
"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" Van screamed at Mercutio (at the most opportune moment possible, as usual in anime).  
  
"Oh, my, what shall I do?" Mercutio mocked in a high-pitched, Southern accent. He suddenly stopped dead.  
  
"HAHA! Engines burned out, huh?" Van taunted. "Too bad, guess I'll-" Just as Van got to him, Mercutio leaped into the air and landed on the Blade Liger's back.  
  
"WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!" he demanded. "WHO'S....YOUR....DADDY?!"  
  
"GET OFFA ME, YOU LITTLE TWIP!" Van raged, newly humiliated as his friends cracked up, and trying to shake Darkness off his back. It was useless; the Zoid's claws were holding tight.  
  
"RIDIN' A REPUBLICAN! RIDIN' A REPUBLICAN!" Mercutio sang.  
  
"Don't feel like much of a man now, do ya, Van?" Irvine crowed.  
  
"IRVINE!"  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
Now Van had someone else to chase.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Another chapter for your enjoyment! Well, I hope you enjoy it, anyway. But I won't know if you don't tell me. So review!) 


	3. Thomas and Water Wars

(A/N- Aha! More chaptery goodness for you!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It took a while for Van to cool off, but he was fine by the time the company reached the base. However, he was put back into a less-than-chipper mood as soon as they got out of their Zoids. What caused this, you ask?  
  
"Oh, Miss Fiona!" Thomas shouted, running up to her. Van rolled his eyes as Thomas dropped to his knees before Fiona and kissed her hands.  
  
"Hello, Thomas," Fiona said.  
  
"What a geek," Mercutio muttered to his sister. Alandria nodded.  
  
"My darling Miss Fiona," Thomas gushed on, "it's not safe for you to be out there! You could have been hurt by the Midnight Marauders!"  
  
"Midnight Marauders?" Fiona asked.  
  
"That pair of thieves that robs military bases in the dead of night," Thomas specified. "They pilot two jet-black Zoids. You haven't heard of them?" Alandria and Mercutio exchanged identical evil grins. Unbeknownst to Thomas, he was talking about them.  
  
"Bad guys, huh, Thomas?" Van asked.  
  
"The worst," Thomas said darkly. "You have to be more careful, Van! What if they'd gotten Miss Fiona?"  
  
"What did I do?!" Van demanded. "Fiona's fine! They haven't done anything to her, and they're not going to!"  
  
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?!" Thomas yelled.  
  
"BECAUSE THEY'RE RIGHT HERE, YOU ASS!" Van yelled back, gesturing toward Alandria and Mercutio. Thomas looked shocked.  
  
"Oh, nice going, Rambo," Alandria growled, whacking Van upside the head.  
  
"I lost my temper!" Van insisted. Thomas continued to stare at the two kids. Irvine smirked.  
  
"Thomas Shubaltz," he said, "I'd like you to meet the - heh - notorious Midnight Marauders, also known as Alandria and Mercutio. Aren't they big and scary, Thomas? Don't they make you want to hide with your teddy bear?" Irvine grinned evilly and laughed at the expression on Thomas's face. You know how they say that someone's "jaw dropped" when they're really surprised? Well, in anime, that's actually what happens. You hear the *Bong!* sound, too.  
  
"Th-These children are the Midnight Marauders?!" Thomas demanded.  
  
"Watch it with the 'children' stuff, moron," Alandria muttered. Thomas didn't hear her.  
  
"The same," Moonbay answered.  
  
"They must be turned in immediately!" Thomas barked. "Don't worry, Miss Fiona, I will remove this scourge from your angelic presence! Come with me, you adolescent burglars!" Alandria and Mercutio looked at him like he had three heads. Alandria elbowed Van.  
  
"Is he always this much of a dipshit?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"I certainly haven't seen him acting otherwise," Van grumbled.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Didn't you hear me?!" Thomas demanded. "MOVE OUT, THIEVES!"  
  
"Thomas," Fiona said, "please don't turn them in. They've only been taking what they needed to survive." Thomas immediately got all blushy and stammery, like he always does when Fiona speaks.  
  
"O-of course! Whatever you say, my sweet Miss Fiona! I would never doubt your judgement!"  
  
"And you should apologize to Alandria and Mercutio for being so mean," Fiona scolded gently. Thomas again dropped to his knees before Fiona.  
  
"Yes, I'm truly sorry to your friends, Miss Fiona. Shall I have rooms prepared for them?"  
  
"Sweet!" Alandria crowed. "Hey, Fiona, tell him to give us some coffee and ice cream, too!"  
  
"And some chocolate bars!" Mercutio chimed in.  
  
"Oh, and cappucino loaf!"  
  
"Mmmm, barbequed ribs, too!"  
  
"How is it that you two aren't fat by now?" Moonbay asked.  
  
"Hey, we just like this stuff, we never get to actually eat it," Mercutio responded.  
  
"Oh. That...makes sense."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'Time to put Operation: Weasel into action,' Alandria thought to herself, smirking, as she went into Fiona's room. Fiona was looking out the window, watching Van train in his Blade Liger.  
  
"What's up?" Alandria asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing, really," Fiona responded, still gazing out the window. "Why? Is there something you want to talk about?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, there is," Alandria replied, flopping down on the bed. She hadn't been on a bed in...how long? Anyway... "So...how do you feel about Rambo out there?"  
  
"Van's a good person," Fiona answered simply. "He's been a wonderful friend to me."  
  
"Anything else? Like, physically?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, I mean, let's be honest with ourselves, Fiona," Alandria said. "That is one sexy hunk of a Lieutenant. Seriously killer body on him. Don't you agree?" Fiona blushed.  
  
"Do you always talk about people like that?" she asked, embarrassed by hearing Van described in such a way. Alandria thought that over for a moment.  
  
"You know, I do," she replied. "And while we're on the subject, Irvine's got a really nice a-"  
  
"I get your point," Fiona said.  
  
"No, my point is that Rambo's fine, and I'm asking you if you agree," Alandria said bluntly. Fiona blushed again.  
  
"I suppose he IS handsome..." she confessed. Alandria nodded. Weaseling things out of people had always been her strong suit. That, and being sarcastic. The two fit together, really.  
  
"Ye-ah," she said, "but...handsome isn't the only thing, is it? Boy's got some major sex appeal going for him, you know? And, hell, if you don't wanna claim that rock-hard body, I-"  
  
"That's enough," Fiona interrupted, before Alandria could go into further into description. Alandria had certainly put new thoughts in her head about Van - was that a smirk on Alandria's face? Well, of course, she was always smirking, she had no other facial expressions.  
  
"Nice talking to you, Fiona," Alandria said through a huge devious grin. "Seeya later." With that, she picked herself off the bed and walked out of the room.  
  
"Oh, I am the weaseling queen!" she said to herself, pumping a fist into the air.  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- and now, we cut to this indoor pool thingie in the base. To set the scene: Fiona and Moonbay are chilling in the funky jacuzzi thang (I love those!); Alandria's sitting by the side of the pool in full clothing (not her suede, 'cause water and suede DO NOT mix) shining various sharp, pointy objects in her possession; Mercutio and Irvine keep splashing Lieutenant Hottie when his back is turned; and Thomas (icky, icky Thomas) is standing there acting all mature, while discreetly checking out Fiona in her bathing suit.)  
  
  
  
  
  
"Care to take bets on how long Van'll put up with this?" Moonbay offered as Irvine and Mercutio started splashing him again. Fiona bit her lip and kept looking at Van. Now that she thought about it, Alandria was right. Even now, when he was incredibly pissed off, Van was gorgeous.  
  
"WOULD YOU STOP IT!" Van yelled at his assailants, both of whom were wearing their most innocent expressions.  
  
"Stop what, Van?" Irvine asked sweetly.  
  
"We didn't do anything," Mercutio added. Alandria shook her head, smirking.  
  
"Boys will be boys," she said, not even looking up from the straightsword she was polishing, the hilt of which was carved in the shape of a dragon and snake encircling each other.  
  
"Hmph," Thomas said. "Either way, that's incredibly immature."  
  
"Yeah, and staring at Fiona's rack is TOTALLY mature," Alandria snorted.  
  
"I-I was not!" Thomas insisted, once again getting blushy and stammery.  
  
"Uh-huh." Alandria put her sword down, and picked up a slim cylinder to polish.  
  
"Heh, check this out," Moonbay said to Fiona, pointing to where Irvine and Mercutio were sneaking up behind Van. Again.  
  
"What are they going to do this time?" Fiona wondered. A split second after the words were out of her mouth, both guys jumped on Van and pushed his head under the water.  
  
"That," Moonbay replied, as Van came up sputtering.  
  
"YOU TWO ARE SO GONE!" he yelled, pouncing on Irvine and knocking him down.  
  
"Hey! Leave my partner in crime alone, you weirdo!" Mercutio said, jumping on Van.  
  
"YOU LITTLE PUNK!"  
  
"YOU BIG DOOKIE!"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS A DOOKIE?"  
  
"I DUNNO, BUT IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD WORD!"  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE-!"  
  
Now there was an all-out war going on in the pool. The guys were dunking each other, splashing each other, and, occasionally, trying to strangle each other.  
  
"I'll bet a package of Sour Apple Straws on the babe with the eye patch," Alandria said. Moonbay grinned.  
  
"I'll bet three chocolate bars on him," she replied. "What about you, Fiona?"  
  
"...A bag of caramels on Van," Fiona decided. Then, "Shouldn't you be betting on your brother, Alandria?"  
  
"Mercutio? Hell, I can beat him up," she replied, curling her arm to show off a bicep. "I'm definitely not betting on him against two hard- bodied opponents. And, man, are those bodies hard!" she added, checking out Irvine's chest (he was currently holding Mercutio above his head in order to throw him). "NICE VIEW, IRVINE!" she called. Irvine tossed his captive into the water and struck a few poses. Moonbay was bristling. Oooh, somebody's jealous- Uh, where were we?  
  
"She has no shame," Fiona said, shaking her head.  
  
"I'll say, talking about my- talking about Irvine like that!" Moonbay corrected herself.  
  
"That's nothing," Fiona informed. "She called Van a 'sexy hunk of a Lieutenant' earlier." 'She kinda has a point, there, too,' Fiona added silently, admiring him. 'Ooooh, rippling muscles - NO! Bad, bad Fiona!'  
  
"I CALL A DRAW! I CALL A DRAW!" Van yelled. Perfect timing, as Irvine and Mercutio had just teamed up on him, each picking him up by one leg and preparing to throw him.  
  
"Wuss," Irvine accused. He and Mercutio exchanged glances, grinned, and dropped Van unceremoniously.  
  
"Ugh, nobody's winning any bets from that match," Moonbay groaned. "Honestly, a draw, Van? How boring." Van, meanwhile, got out of the pool and wrapped a towel around his waist.  
  
"You'd have called a draw, too, if you were about to be thrown by them," he responded, jerking his head toward Mercutio and Irvine. He noticed Alandria's cylinder. "What's that thing?" Alandria twisted an area of the cylinder, and it shot out on both sides - coincidentally, hitting Thomas.  
  
"Retractable bo staff," she replied, smirking, as Thomas glared at the weapon and rubbed himself where he'd been hit.  
  
"I like it already," Van said. "What else do you have?"  
  
"Like weapons are so interesting," Fiona sulked as Alandria displayed her arsenal to a very impressed Van. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
"Are you...jealous, Fiona?" Moonbay asked.  
  
"I am not jealous. Nope. Not at all."  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Yay! Okay, meesa take your votes: d'you guys want some really mushy V/F, M/I scenes later on? Or, do you want not-so-mushy, semi-graphic scenes? Or, do you want me to shut my big fat mouth and just keep it up with humor the whole fic through? YOU...can make a diference! HEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!) 


	4. Who Knew Food Was So Aerodynamic?

Millerna: There are still more reviews on MY story.  
  
HealerAriel: So? Yours has been up longer! Besides, I've gotten great reviews on this one! So there!  
  
Millerna: *grumble* Man, I hate Van. Cocky bastard.  
  
HealerAriel: Heh, he's still rubbing it in your face that I update this story more frequently?  
  
Millerna: Yeah. Grrrrrrr.... NEW GUYS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE SUCH BIG EGOS! It took me several chapters and about fifty "Millerna's-so-cool" reviews to go on an ego trip like that!  
  
HealerAriel: -_-; Yep, and you've been on that ego trip ever since...  
  
Millerna: *glares* Don't mess with me, She-Who-Sleeps-Until-One-PM-In-The- Afternoon.  
  
HealerAriel: Hey! I was up until 4 AM writing YOUR STORY! Be grateful! And I even let you cuddle with Link in that chapter. So worship me.  
  
Millerna: ^_^ Oooh, okay then!  
  
HealerAriel: *deep in thought* Ya know? I have the strangest urge to write some Bit/Leena smut.  
  
Millerna: Well, duh, even a reviewer said you have a sick mind, why would THAT surprise me?  
  
HealerAriel: Heh heh heh...a reviewer asked me for a semi-graphic Irvine/Moonbay scene, too. Oh, it will come, my friends, it will come... That'll just be the chapter I DON'T let Mark read, heh heh.  
  
Millerna: Why do you let your little brother read this story, anyway?  
  
HealerAriel: Didn't we go over this? He and I are the Mercutio and Alandria prototypes.  
  
Millerna: Geez, you've come up with ANOTHER sixteen-year-old girl character. Let's see, me, Sabrina, Mona, Alandria... Four characters, aged sixteen. You wanna be sixteen, don'tcha?  
  
HealerAriel: Yeah. Sixteen equals driving. And I wanna drive!  
  
Millerna: You can't even ride a horse without mishap, Erin.  
  
HealerAriel: NOT MY FAULT JACK LOST HIS BALANCE!  
  
Millerna: You were the one in the saddle backing him up. You're the one getting your shoulder surgically repaired next month, too, heh.  
  
HealerAriel: Again, NOT my fault! And may I remind you that there are worse injuries than a dislocated shoulder. That rope burn from the reigns was a bitch, though... I'd rather have dislocated BOTH shoulders than have rope burn for a week. But it's gone now! ^_^  
  
Millerna: Oy vey. O_o Oh great, now I'm talking like you!  
  
HealerAriel: I'm rubbing off on you. Soon you'll be shopping at Hot Topic and watching Zoids and Yu Yu Hakusho. You already have my coffee addiction.  
  
Millerna: Shut up, Erin...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Haha! I've been reading the reviews, my dears, and I agree with...one of you...that Van and Fiona are more likely to be all sweet and sappy, and Irvine and Moonbay are more likely to be...uh, less *innocent* when expressing affection. So, you want this stuff? I warn you, I do, in fact, have quite a sick little mind, so if I write such a scene, it'll be pretty graphic. You don't mind?)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Aw, SWEET!" Mercutio yelled. What caused this outburst? Dinner at the base. Which led to anime sweatdrops appearing for Van, Irvine, Fiona, and Moonbay.  
  
"Oh, food! Lovely food!" Mercutio continued, piling just about everything he could reach onto his plate and shoveling it into his mouth. Alandria was following suit with just a bit less, er, enthusiasm than her brother. Van and company - along with the rest of the military dudes - just stared at them in disbelief. But it wasn't until the high and mighty officers started making remarks about their manners that Van found it necessary to correct them. He elbowed Alandria.  
  
"Ow, what's your problem, dorkus?" she demanded, thwapping him on the back of the head.  
  
"Dorkus," Irvine snickered. Van glared at him. "Yeah, I'll shut up." Van turned his attention back to Alandria.  
  
"You know, the food isn't going to fly away," he said. Alandria gasped and gave him an utterly shocked look.  
  
"No way! Seriously? It just takes a genius like you to figure that out, doesn't it?" She rolled her eyes and went back to her dinner.  
  
"I tried," Van said, exasperated. "I swear, I tried."  
  
"Just goes to show you that you didn't try hard enough," Irvine said helpfully. Then he grinned. "Dorkus."  
  
"You irritate me."  
  
"I know. Heh heh."  
  
"Jerk," Van grumbled under his breath.  
  
"Pretty-boy," Irvine countered.  
  
"You're not exactly one to talk about pretty-boys, Irvy," Alandria informed, wearing her trademark smirk. "You're about as pretty as they come. Although that ain't a bad thing, per se." Irvine smiled.  
  
"You see? Aside from that 'Irvy' stuff, what's not to love about this kid?"  
  
"Aw, thankies, Irvy!"  
  
"'Thankies Irvy'..." Van continued to mumble about all the things Alandria and Mercutio did to annoy him. He was just getting to Mercutio's constant voice-acting of what he thought Van and Fiona did together in their spare time (wink, wink; nudge, nudge) when,  
  
"Heads up, Van!" Moonbay called - a split second before a large piece of cheesecake landed right on Van's head. And Mercutio was arming himself once more with a jumbo shrimp (oxymoron) in a spoon-catapult.  
  
"Hee hee hee hee hee," he chuckled evilly. "I challenge you, O slow- Zoided one."  
  
"Mercutio, that is so incredibly immature," Van stated, trying his hardest to look like a responsible adult while he considered chucking a tomato at Mercutio's nose.  
  
"You won't fight, varlet?! PREPARE TO FEEL MY WRATH!" Mercutio launched his shrimp and hit Van in the eye. "YEEEEEEHAW!" Van sighed and wiped all the shrimpy juices off his face as Fiona looked shocked and Irvine, Moonbay, and Alandria laughed their asses off.  
  
"You know what?" Van asked. "I've changed my mind." He picked up the tomato and hurled it at Mercutio. Unfortunately for Van, he wasn't very good at throwing food, and he hit Thomas instead. This was just as pleasing to him, actually, until Thomas retalliated by catapulting a large spoonful of mashed potatoes into his face.  
  
"Thomas!" Fiona scolded.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry, Miss Fiona, but this is war!" Thomas replied, just as Van payed him back with a banana to the forehead. Thomas growled and catapulted a spoonful of pudding in Van's general direction. Van blocked it with Alandria.  
  
"YOU MONKEY TURD!" she screamed, upturning an entire pot of gravy onto Van's head for using her as a shield. Some of it splashed onto Fiona, though. Fiona gasped, looking horrified. She thought for a moment, then grinned, and picked up a piece of whipped-creamy strawberry shortcake.  
  
"Catch," she advised, before throwing it at Alandria. The other girl ducked, and the cake went sailing right into the side of Moonbay's face.  
  
"Oh, you wanna fight, Fiona?" Moonbay challenged, laughing despite her current cakey situation. "Take this!" She hurled a hunk of cornbread in Fiona's direction, accidentally hitting Van instead, at the same time as Mercutio and Thomas began flinging shrimp and potatoes at everyone (except Fiona, in Thomas's case). This, of course, erupted into a ferocious battle. Irvine hadn't been hit yet. He shook his head.  
  
"Well, once again I'm the only mature adult in the situa- ACK!" A piece of cherry pie, directed at Moonbay by Van, had just splatted all over his face. "Now, you DIE!" Irvine yelled, picking up a can of that squeeze cheese stuff and launching a cheesy assault on everyone, laughing maniacally. "HAHAHAHA! I AM THE GOD OF CHEESE! FEAR ME, MORTALS!" he screamed, before he was bombarded by an onslaught of various food products.  
  
"Yep. Should'a known that was coming," Irvine said to himself, tossing the empty can of cheese over his shoulder.  
  
"Aw, poor Irvine," Moonbay said. "Allow me to assist you." With that, she poured a glass of ice water...into his lap.  
  
"COLD!" he yelped. "ARE YOU TRYING TO FREEZE MY FREAKIN' BALLS OFF?!"  
  
"Naw, she can't get rid of your balls, she's intending on using 'em later," Alandria informed.  
  
"I AM NOT!" Moonbay shouted immediately.  
  
"Are too," Alandria argued, flinging a spoonful of corn at the two of them.  
  
Then, figuratively speaking, the shit hit the fan.  
  
"Lieutenant Flyheight! What is the meaning of this!?" (You know the bitch who tried to get all the special stuff taken off the guys' Zoids when they were going up against the GenoBreaker? Yeah, I don't have the slightest clue what his name is, but it's that guy talking) Van sunk low in his chair.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Poor Van," Moonbay said, as she and Irvine walked back from the epic foodfight. Van was currently being totally laid out by the dude, who the authoress will just call Bitch-Head until she knows his name. Irvine smirked.  
  
"Yeah, well if one of us has to take the blame, it may as well be Van," he said. "Maybe it'll take him off his little 'Ooh-I'm-A-Lieutenant- Look-At-Me' ego trip. By the way, all the whipped cream is very becoming on you." Moonbay giggled.  
  
"You too," she replied, flicking some off the tip of his nose.  
  
"We're the responsible adults in this outfit, alright," Irvine said, laughing, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
  
"You know it, Cheese-Boy. I really, really need a shower now."  
  
"Me too. It was fun, though," he added, as they reached her room.  
  
"Well, you know what they say: Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They just looked at each other. Then both blushed.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Well..."  
  
"G-Goodnight."  
  
"Uh-huh. I mean, goodnight to you, too."  
  
"Um...yeah. Seeya tomorrow."  
  
"Okay. Bye, Irvine." Moonbay closed her door behind her and listened to him walk away. Then she banged her head repeatedly on the door. "God, did I just DO that?! I'm acting like a ditz over IRVINE! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRG! DAMN HIS FINENESS!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- ahh, another chapter finished. I'm so proud of me little self.) 


	5. HealerAriel Spends Some Quality Time Wit...

(A/N- I love you guys SOOOO much! Thanks for all the positive reviews! And a special thank you to BrIrocZ for informing me that Bitch-Head's real name is Colonel Halford. Somehow, Bitch-Head is so much more fitting... And I must agree, Yiihane, the guys are so fine...Yummy! *distributes hugs and kisses to Van, Irvine, and Bit*)  
  
  
  
Bit: *pouts* I'm not even in this story.  
  
HealerAriel: But all three of you get recognition for being sexy in it.  
  
Bit:.....That works. Just don't tell Leena.  
  
Irvine: Or Moonbay.  
  
Van: Or Fiona. You know how jealous the girls get...  
  
HealerAriel: Yes, but luckily, they aren't here, and they probably never will be.  
  
Bit: Why?  
  
HealerAriel: 'Cause I like checking you fine fellas out in peace.  
  
Guys: *awsomely charming grins*  
  
Irvine: You see why I like her?  
  
Van: *thinks* Um, where ARE the girls?  
  
HealerAriel: Trapped in a room with my brother.  
  
Guys: MARK?! YOU GAVE OUR WOMEN TO MARK?!  
  
HealerAriel: Chill! It's temporary! And I figure, if I get to be with you guys, he can be with the girls. All he wants to do is stare at Fiona's rack. By the way, what's up with the booby-holsters?  
  
Van: I dunno, but I like 'em. *drools*  
  
HealerAriel: -_-; Oooookay, then. You're such a gentleman on TV, Van.  
  
Van: Maybe, but I'm a teenaged guy, and therefore am not without my share of raging hormones.  
  
Irvine: I could'a sworn you were prepubescent, Van. *evil chuckle*  
  
Van: OH REALLY?! I'LL SHOW YOU PREBUBESCENT! *jumps on Irvine and starts strangling him, Homer Simpson-style.*  
  
Bit: Guys, guys! This could all be settled with a ruler.  
  
HealerAriel: ... I so did not need to hear that, Bit. I am scarred for life.  
  
Bit: Hee hee. It slipped out.  
  
HealerAriel: Geez, it's not like we chicks measure our boobs...  
  
Bit: *mischeivous grin* Leena does.  
  
HealerAriel: You know this?  
  
Bit: Yeah. I spy on her sometimes. She looks good naked.  
  
HealerAriel: OKAY! End of intro! Bit's getting WAY too informative, here! Until the next chapter!  
  
Van: But-!  
  
HealerAriel: What, Van?  
  
Van: You said there was a song I needed to hear, didn't you?  
  
HealerAriel: ^_^; Oh yeah! I did say that! Sorry, Van. Okay, this song is by the totally awsome group, Green Day. It really fits the relationship between my two cuties, Van and Raven.  
  
*hard rock starts to play*  
  
'I don't know you, but I think I hate you,  
  
You're the reason for my misery,  
  
Strange that you've become my biggest enemy,  
  
And I've never even seen your face!  
  
  
  
Maybe it's just jealousy,  
  
Mixin' up with a violent mind,  
  
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense  
  
Or maybe I'm just dumb!  
  
  
  
You're the cloud hanging out over my head,  
  
Hail comes crashing down welting my face,  
  
Magic man, egocentric plastic man,  
  
Yet you still got one over on me!  
  
  
  
Maybe it's just jealousy,  
  
Mixin' up with a violent mind,  
  
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense,  
  
Or maybe I'm just dumb!'  
  
  
  
*hard rock continues to play until it eventually fades out*  
  
Van: O_O Umm, does Green Day know Raven?  
  
HealerAriel: Dunno, but it's damn accurate, innit? Song's called Chump, by the way. Which is also pretty dead-on to how Raven feels about you, Vannie- boy. Hee hee. "Fry, little man!"  
  
Irvine: -_-; One of Raven's more psychotic moments.  
  
Van: Raven's life is one big psychotic moment, what are you talking about?  
  
HealerAriel: I feel kind of sorry for him, though. He's had a bad life. And I saw him as a kid in his little flashback sequence and I felt so bad for him! Little cutie, I just wanted to pick him up and hug him and make him all better!  
  
Guys: -_-; Ooooookay.  
  
HealerAriel: *presses little red call button labled "Kid Raven"* I'll show you!  
  
K.Raven: *comes into the room with that sad look in his big ol' eyes*  
  
HealerAriel: *puts hands to her cheeks* Isn't he cuuute!?  
  
*Van, Irvine, and Bit exchange looks*  
  
K.Raven: *in the sweet little voice that HealerAriel loves sooooo much* Why did you call me in here, Miss Erin?  
  
Van: O_o Raven just said something without the slightest hint of violence or psychosis. And why is Raven allowed to call you by your first name, but we have to call you HealerAriel?  
  
HealerAriel: He can do whatever he wants. He's my little cutie-pie! *lets Kid Raven sit with her on the couch*  
  
Bit: You never let US sit on the couch!  
  
HealerAriel: That's because he's more special than you guys, too. Hi Raven. *pets his little head*  
  
K.Raven: Hi. ...Why are all these men here, Miss Erin?  
  
HealerAriel: These guys are my friends, too. That's Irvine, you'll meet him later; that's Bit, you may see him again in here, but he's not really part of your life, so ignore him like everyone else does; and that guy's Van Flyheight.  
  
K.Raven: He looks like that nice man who took care of me for a while.  
  
HealerAriel: That's because that nice man who took care of you was Van's dad.  
  
Van: O_o What the-?  
  
K.Raven: Oh. That man told me he was going to take me to live with him-  
  
Van: @_@ !  
  
K.Raven: -But he died before that.  
  
Van:......Are you telling me that RAVEN would've been my STEPBROTHER?  
  
HealerAriel: Yep. If your daddy hadn't died, Van, you and Raven would have been best friends.  
  
Van: Talk about irony....  
  
Irvine: Straight up. Best friends with the guy who wants you dead now.  
  
K.Raven: I don't want him dead...  
  
HealerAriel: I know you don't in this reality, cause I pulled you outta the desert before the Amazing Albino Man, Prozen got ahold of you and corrupted your darling little mind. You can stay here with me instead! *hugs Kid Raven. Kid Raven, to all the guys' shock and amazement, hugs back voluntarily*  
  
Guys: O_O .....Weird.  
  
  
  
(A/N- this chapter should be rated a little higher, for use of multiple bad words.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van left Colonel Halford (Bitch-Head!!)'s office in a very bad mood. Well, how often does the high-and-mighty Lieutenant Van Flyheight get yelled at for a food fight?  
  
"They got me in trouble, little pains in the ass," he grumbled, moping through the halls. "Hmph. Disrespectful, immature-"  
  
"-Egotisctical, self-righteous, big bad war hero!" Familiar voices were coming from the room up ahead. Van peeked in. And he saw Mercutio strutting around the rec room, amusing Irvine, Moonbay, and Alandria with an impression...of Van.  
  
"Take a close look," Mercutio continued, "'Cause I rule bay-bee! Oh yeah! You throw anything at me, I'll hop in my big blue cat and cut you up with my yellow sticks. Then I'll go upstairs and have hot sex with Fiona. Mercutio! Shut up you little punk! I am Van Flyheight! Respect me, cretin! So maybe I wear a chick shirt, but it's only so you can see my sexy body!"  
  
"Oh- Oh my God!" Moonbay gasped. "That is SO Van!" She, Irvine, and Alandria were leaning on each other for support, and laughing so hard they were crying.  
  
'What does she mean?' Van thought. 'Mercutio makes me sound like a fucking horny drill sergeant! That little punk! Respect Van Flyheight! Um, why does that sound familiar?'  
  
"Van?"  
  
"YIPE! Oh, hi, Fiona," Van said. "Please don't sneak up behind me anymore."  
  
"Okay...What are they doing in there?" Fiona asked, looking into the rec room.  
  
"No, don't-!"  
  
"And Fiona?" Mercutio was saying. "That is one FINE blonde bombshell, you know what I'm talking about? Just cause I'm too damn dumb to tell her I want her body doesn't mean Thomas can have her. I'm just psychin' myself up, man! Then I'll go up to her - maybe after getting a new haircut and a whole shirt - and I'll say, 'Fiona, I want you!' and she'll say, 'TAKE ME, MAN MEAT!' Yeah. And we'll screw and screw, and screw. 'Cause the mighty Lieutenant Flyheight never tires. Or at least never lets on. Or maybe it's all that pent-up sexual frustration from being around Fiona while she's wearing skintight junk and not being able to do anything 'cause that bastard Thomas keeps interfering. Damn Thomas! I'm gonna feed him to Zeke, man!"  
  
"Oh, I'd PAY to hear Van say that!" Irvine laughed.  
  
"OH REALLY, IRVINE!?" Van bellowed. "AND MERCUTIO, YOU LITTLE PUNK, PREPARE TO FEEL THE PAIN!"  
  
"Ooopsies," Mercutio said matter-of-factly, as he stepped to one side, avoiding Van's lunge at him. After a long struggle Irvine finally grabbed Van by the ponytail, so all the severely peeved adolescent Lieutenant could do was claw wildly at the air in front of Mercutio.  
  
"Geez, Van," Irvine teased, "you really can't take a joke, can you? It was all in fun."  
  
"Oh yeah? How would you like it if someone was doing a parody of you?!" Van demanded. Mercutio grinned evilly.  
  
"Yoink!" he yelled, swiping Irvine's eyepatch.  
  
"Hey!" Irvine cried indignantly. Mercutio had already fastened the patch onto himself.  
  
"Whoa! Shibby!" Mercutio exclaimed, playing with Irvine's eyepatch. "This thing is wicked awsome! Hey, dude, can you lend this to me sometime? I want to get a closer look at Fiona's a- I mean, EYES."  
  
"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" Van raged, still subdued by Irvine's hold on his ponytail. Fiona just looked serenely confused, as always.  
  
"ANYway," Mercutio said loudly, "For my next impression...Irvine!"  
  
"Dammit."  
  
"Hah."  
  
"Shut up, Van."  
  
"AHEM!" Mercutio did not like people not paying attention to him. Then he grinned, and got into character. Really, really good character. He got Irvine's facial expressions, posture, and walk down perfectly. One must begin to wonder if all Mercutio does is observe people all day. And needless to say, by the end of Mercutio's presentation, Van was laughing his ass off and Irvine was blushing like crazy ("Moonbay, SHWING!").  
  
"Oh, fantastic," Van declared, as Mercutio sadly took off the eyepatch at Irvine's command. "Do someone else. But not me again."  
  
"Do Fiona!" Moonbay suggested. Mercutio's eyes lit up.  
  
"Okay then! Who got the coconuts?!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- okay, so there was more intro than actual story, but so what? At least it was funny, right? Oh, and by the way: I want to put Raven in this story. Does anyone know if he, like, dies at the end of the series or something? Because this story takes place after the series is over, and if he's dead, then I can't use him unless by means of ressurection. So if you have that information, please give it to me! I like Raven!) 


	6. Van's Actin' Weird, Salty Coffee, and, e...

HealerAriel: And for my next guest in the intro...RAVEN!  
  
Raven: *sneers* I don't want to be here.  
  
HealerAriel: Yes you do.  
  
Raven: No I don't. I don't like you.  
  
HealerAriel: B-but your kid self likes me!  
  
Raven: So I was stupid as a kid.  
  
HealerAriel: *sniffles* But...But I wrote a song about you!  
  
Raven: And?  
  
HealerAriel: And it was about how misunderstood you are! But now you're being all mean to me, and I may as well burn my song! Maybe you really are just a jerk! *cries*  
  
Raven: O_o Sheesh, it's okay, alright? *awkwardly puts his arm around HealerAriel* Don't cry. I hate it when girls cry.  
  
HealerAriel: *sniffle* Oh yeah, and blowing innocent people up makes you feel good? I'm a bitch, and I wouldn't kill innocent people!  
  
Raven: God, girls are so emotional... Like Reese. One minute she's insulting me, the next she's freaking hitting on me. She's psycho.  
  
HealerAriel: That's cause she likes you, and she's too shy to come out and tell you.  
  
Raven: She's freaky! She calls me "darling"!  
  
HealerAriel: *sings* Love is in the air...  
  
Raven: Noooooooooo!  
  
Reese's Voice From Somewhere Outside The Room: Oh, Raven! Where are you?  
  
Raven: O_O Hide me!  
  
HealerAriel: What'll you give me if I do?  
  
Raven: Uh...Uh....Uh...  
  
R'sVFSOTR: Raven! I know you're in here somewhere, darling!  
  
HealerAriel: *smirks* Tick-tock, Raven.  
  
Raven: *gulp* How does unconditional servitude sound to you?  
  
HealerAriel: Sounds good. *rubs hands together gleefully* Ooooh, this'll be fun....^_^  
  
Raven: Freakin' hide me, already!  
  
HealerAriel: Go hide in the closet, shut the door, and don't make any loud noises.  
  
Raven: *races into the walk-in closet and closes the door*  
  
*Reese walks into the room*  
  
HealerAriel: Why, hiya, Reese. How can I help you?  
  
Reese: I'm looking for Raven. Where HAS that boy gotten to?  
  
HealerAriel: I dunno. I haven't seen him.  
  
Raven: Good girl...  
  
Reese: Oh. Well, I suppose I'll just use my psychic powers to locate him.  
  
Raven: Eeep!  
  
HealerAriel: Sorry, Reese, but your powers don't work in this dimension. Only mine and Penelope's do. *points to the blue-haired nymph at the Starbuck's counter, who is currently flipping boredly through the latest issue of Cosmo*  
  
Raven: Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you.  
  
Reese: *dissappointed* Oh. I guess I'll just go hang out with Hiltz, then, if I can't find my darling Raven.  
  
HealerAriel: You do that. Bye, Reese.  
  
Reese: *mumbles and exits the room*  
  
HealerAriel: Oh, Raven! It's safe to come out now.  
  
Raven: *comes out of the closet* Whew! I thought I was going to be caught! Thank you! *hugs HealerAriel tightly* I like you now!  
  
HealerAriel: Raven? You do realize that you're hugging me, right?  
  
Raven: O_o *pulls away quickly and stands there looking tough* Yeah. Um, forget that happened.  
  
HealerAriel: Oh yeah, and since I hid you from Reese, you're my slave, remember?  
  
Raven: Damn!  
  
HealerAriel: But...I thought you and Reese had a THING going on.  
  
Raven: For a while there we did. Then she started nagging and pestering me about "our relationship". *shudders* I've been sorta running away from her ever since. She doesn't take "I want to break up" as an answer, either. Seriously, she's insane. I mean, she WAS okay, but being with her for a prolonged period of time is just bad for your health.  
  
HealerAriel: Ah. In that case...in that case, I have an idea...  
  
Raven: *suspicious look* What kind of an idea?  
  
HealerAriel: ^_^ Raven, Raven! Don't worry! You'll find out soon enough!  
  
Raven: -_-; Don't like the sound of that.  
  
  
  
(A/N- Thanks for the information, O reviewers! Just so you know, I do support the Raven/Reese pairing - lots of cute stories with those two - but Raven won't be paired with Reese in this story. 1) she's scary, and 2) I've got something else in mind for the dark-haired bishonen. One more question I must put to you, since I haven't seen the entire series yet: in the end, is Raven still a Van-loathing bad guy, or does he reform and join Van? Sometimes the bad guys do that, you know, and what I've got planned will be a lot cooler if he's still a bad guy. Thanks!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why did Mercutio need coconuts to do an impression of me?" Fiona asked innocently as Van walked her back to her bedroom at around one in the morning. Needless to say, there had been no Fiona impression, because Van had gone into a murderous rage as soon as Mercutio asked for coconuts.  
  
"Uh...that's really not important," Van said, looking at her. His eyes went downward. 'Oooooh yeah. Shut up you perv!' he scolded himself. 'Bad Van, bad Van, baaaaaaaaad Van! Oh, good lord, that's one nice rack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Van was paying very little attention to the world around him. Resulting in,  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
"Van? Are you okay?" Fiona asked. Van rubbed his head.  
  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
  
"Because you just walked headfirst into a wall," Fiona pointed out.  
  
"Oh. That."  
  
"Come to think of it, you've been acting strange for a while now. Is something wrong? Because whatever it is, you can tell me. I mean, Irvine says you're naturally weird, but you haven't been acting like yourself at all lately. Are you sick?"  
  
"No," he replied. 'Just perverted,' he added silently. 'Don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs, don't look at her boobs,' he ordered himself, keeping his eyes locked on her face.  
  
"Then why are you acting so unlike yourself?"  
  
"Ti- I mean, what?"  
  
"Van, you're getting weirder and weirder," Fiona said, giving him a look. "Maybe you should go to bed."  
  
"You're probably right," he said. 'Will you be joining me? Pleeeeeeeease?'  
  
"Van? We're here."  
  
"Oh. Oh yeah. Heh heh, my room. I'm gonna, yeah. G'night." With that frantically babbled statement, Van disappeared into his bedroom. Fiona shook her head.  
  
"Maybe Irvine's right about him."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"And may I say how incredibly flattered I am that you seek my counsel, Fiona," Alandria said, smirking. The two girls were in the kitchen. Fiona couldn't sleep (thinking about Van), and Alandria was always up late anyway, so Fiona figured she may as well ask her about Van's new attitude.  
  
"Well, Moonbay was asleep, and you spend more time with the guys than she or I do," Fiona replied, handing Alandria a cup of coffee, then sitting down with her own. "I thought you'd be the best one to ask."  
  
"Imagine that." Alandria took a sip of coffee, and immediatly spat it out. "God, Fiona, what's in this!?"  
  
"Salt," Fiona said.  
  
"Damn, girl! Coffee's supposed to stunt your growth and stop your heart, not make you puke! Ugh!"  
  
"Sorry, but I'm used to putting salt in coffee," Fiona explained, as Alandria dumped the coffee into the sink, washed the mug thoroughly, and began preparing more coffee, with cream and sugar. "Dr. D and I always put salt in our coffee."  
  
"Dr. D is a lunatic," Alandria said matter-of-factly. "He and all of his huge-hootered assistants."  
  
"Well...I guess you're not far off on that."  
  
"Damn, salt in coffee," Alandria muttered, glaring at the half-empty salt shaker with absolute loathing. "Disgusting."  
  
"Anyway, about Van," Fiona said, trying to get the other girl back on the subject.  
  
"What about him?" Alandria asked, sitting down again and happily sipping her fresh coffee.  
  
"Have you noticed how he's been acting lately?"  
  
"Fiona, all I care about is his delicious body," Alandria informed.  
  
"That. Is. Not. The. Point." Fiona replied sternly, not in the mood to fantasize about the gorgeous Lieutenant Flyheight (A/N- Mmmmm, yummier than coffee, and ice cream, and Milky Way bars, and...yeah, I'll shut up). "The point is, he's been acting very strange around me."  
  
"It's lust, baby," Alandria said, wearing a very large smirk.  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"He wants you bad, that's what it means." Alandria shook her head. "Mm, mm, mm. You lucky girl."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"You think that's enough?" Mercutio asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah. Wait, maybe a few more for good measure," Irvine replied. The two chuckled maniacally and continued their work. Neither was usually a morning person, but what they were about to do was worth getting up early to prepare. Irvine tied off another of their "water balloons" and plopped it into the half-full bucket next to him.  
  
"Van's gonna be so pissed!" he said gleefully. "God I love it!"  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"EEEP!" Both guys whirled around to face the intruder. Both blushed like idiots. Moonbay was standing there in her pajamas, which were little more than a pair of shorts and a matching tank top - both very, very short and very, very low-cut.  
  
"Well?" she demanded, completely unphased by the fact that she was more than half naked. The guys babbled various words in gibberish. Irvine became quasi-composed before Mercutio.  
  
"Moonbay?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You look very...Damn," he managed, looking her up and down veeeeery slooooowly. 'I want, I want, I want!'  
  
"Uh-huh. You still haven't answered my question, Irvine."  
  
"I'll answer it if you take your top off. Shit!" He slapped his forehead hard. Unfortunately he used the hand that had a "water balloon" in it, and soon found himself very wet. "Eh. I needed to be doused with some cold water," he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Oh my God, Irvine!" Moonbay cried.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are those...are those...condoms?" She broke into hysterical laughter. "Wh-what the hell are those for?!"  
  
"Safe sex," Mercutio replied.  
  
"She means the water balloons we made outta them stupid," Irvine scolded, whacking the boy upside the head.  
  
"Very, very wet safe sex," Mercutio amended. He grinned at Moonbay. "Shwing," he added, wiggling his eyebrows. He got dealt another blow to the head.  
  
"I have no clue what 'shwing' means, but I'm sure I don't like it," Moonbay said.  
  
"You'll like it when it happens to Irvine," Mercutio informed slyly. This earned him TWO blows to the head. (A/N- If you've seen Wayne's World, you KNOW what shwing means ^_~ hee hee!)  
  
"Shut up, you dickhead!" Irvine hissed. "You're gonna give me away!"  
  
"You gave YOURSELF away earlier, moron," Mercutio said. "You asked her to take her top off."  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Although I'd benefit from it too," Mercutio said thoughtfully. "Yeah, Moonbay, why don't you take your top off?"  
  
"PERVERTS!" Moonbay shouted, slapping a water-filled condom on each guy's head and storming out. Mercutio grinned at the now-drenched mercenary beside him.  
  
"That went well," he said pleasantly. Irvine dumped the entire bucket (the contents of which they'd meant to break on Van) on Mercutio.  
  
"I hate you," Irvine informed. "Mess up my chances of getting some...little punk..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Hee hee! That did go well! Ah, can you imagine? Anyways, review. But don't flame me, or I'll pull on your ears and bite your nose ^_^ ) 


	7. Beginnings Of A Practical Joke War, and ...

Van: I can't believe you wrote a poem about Raven. No wait, a song AND a poem!  
  
HealerAriel: *innocent look* So-o?  
  
Irvine: So what's he got that we don't?  
  
HealerAriel: He's...hot.  
  
Van: I thought you said I was hot?  
  
Irvine: Yeah, me too!  
  
Bit: *coming into the room with a big-ass bag of candy* Me three!  
  
HealerAriel: Exceedingly bad pun, Bit. And Van, the thing is that you and Bit are hot in a nice way. Raven and m'boy Irvine are hot in a naughty way.  
  
Irvine: Hell of an ego-boost, Erin ^_~  
  
Van&Bit: NOW IRVINE'S ALLOWED TO CALL YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME?! WHAT ABOUT US?!  
  
HealerAriel: Uh, Irvine has...special circumstances. ^_^;  
  
Van: Oh, what's next, he gets to sit on the couch like Raven's kid form?  
  
HealerAriel: If he's a good boy. Or a bad boy, depending on my mood.  
  
Van: Irvine, you man-whore.  
  
Irvine: Yep. And oh, the privilages I get.  
  
Bit: *who has only been silent because of the candy he's been shoveling into his mouth* Where do I sign up, Irvine? I wouldn't mind being a love slave if it begets good payment.  
  
Van: Oooh, big words for an idiot, Bit.  
  
Bit: Yeah, I---HEY!  
  
Van: *evil chuckle*  
  
HealerAriel: I wouldn't make fun of Bit if I were you, O Lieutenant Flyheight.  
  
Van: Why?  
  
HealerAriel: Because there's a chance that he is, in actuality, a descendant of yours.  
  
Van: O_o This moron?!  
  
HealerAriel: This moron.  
  
*Bit looks up from his snacks, flashes a charming grin, and goes back to his snacks*  
  
HealerAriel: *sigh* This incredibly cute moron, who has won my heart despite his lack of common sense.  
  
Bit: I love you.  
  
HealerAriel: I love you, too, Bit. You're an imbecile sometimes, but I love you.  
  
Bit: *grins at Van* See? I may act like a doofus, but I know that flattery and sucking up are the way to a girl's heart.  
  
Van: Yet you still get chased and beaten up by Leena, don't you?  
  
Bit: That's mutual flirting, stupid. A little sado-masochist ritual, if you will.  
  
Irvine: Sado-masochism. *nods* Whips and chains and handcuffs, baby.  
  
Bit: You bet.  
  
HealerAriel: ...Question. Why is it that no matter what, our conversation always turns into a discussion about sex?  
  
Irvine: ...'Cause sex is awsome? And because you're just as perverted and horny as we are?  
  
HealerAriel: I am not the one who broke into gibberish upon seeing Moonbay in her pajamas, and, oh yeah, asked her to take her top off.  
  
Irvine: Aw, I felt that right here *puts his fist over his heart* You cause me pain, Erin.  
  
Van: ....HOW DO YOU GET OFF SAYING BIT'S RELATED TO ME?  
  
Irvine: -_-; It's taken him THIS long to come up with a comeback?  
  
Van: Shut up. HealerAriel, answer me.  
  
HealerAriel: You need a lesson in manipulation, Vannie-boy. You don't demand things from the authoress, you do like Bit and Irvine and charm me senseless.  
  
Van: I bet Raven doesn't go out of his way to be charming...  
  
HealerAriel: No, but he's a bad-boy, and bad-boys turn me on anyway.  
  
Guys: Didn't need to hear that.  
  
HealerAriel: Anyway *glares at the guys*, I'll share with you the reasons why some people think you and Bit are related, Van. 1) You both have Ligers, 2) Bit's Liger0 is the same color as Zeke, so somebody put the idea into my head that maybe Zeke managed to fuse permenantly with your Liger and create the Liger0 thus, and that explains why Bit has the same bond with the Liger0 as you have with Zeke-  
  
Van: That's so weird, it almost makes sense...  
  
HealerAriel: 3) You and Bit are both some of the best Zoid pilots in your respective time periods-  
  
Bit&Van: *grin and high-five*  
  
HealerAriel: *rolls eyes* 4) Abstract as it is, Bit has blond hair, and we all know that if you decided to reproduce, Van, it'd be with our resident large-breasted blonde Zoidian, Fiona-  
  
Bit: Great-great-great-great-Grandma has some nice jugs ^_^  
  
Van: WHY YOU LITTLE! *starts chasing Bit around the room with a hammer*  
  
HealerAriel: And finally, you're both cute as hell for no apparent reason.  
  
Bit&Van: *stop running around and flash identical adorable grins* Aww, you think so?  
  
HealerAriel: *rolls eyes again* Boys...  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- Eeeee! I got good reviews! Go me! *does a dance* And by the way, Certain-Reviewer-Whose-Name-I've-Forgotten, I am not bashing Van...well, yeah maybe I am, but I do truly love him, so I'm not making fun of him to be mean. I'm doing it because he's so fun to pick on. So keep in mind, it's with deep affection for the tasty Lieutenant Flyheight that I grill the heck out of his every screw-up. *grabs Van and hugs him*  
  
Van: Get. Off.  
  
HealerAriel: Well, fine, if you think Fiona's gonna get jealous...  
  
Ahem! Anyway... Onto chapter 7!!!!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"We'll see who's laughing now, Mercutio," Van muttered to himself as he snuck into the boy's room. (Irvine and Mercutio had gone back to bed after their condom water balloons had proved useless. It was, after all, very early in the morning.) "Do a parody of me, I'll show you, you punk," he growled quietly. He had to hold his laughter as he "decorated" the oblivious fourteen-year-old. Then he stood back and admired his work.  
  
"Yeah, respect Van Flyheight!" he hissed, pumping a fist into the air. He thought for a moment. Irvine kinda had it coming, too... 'Ah, why the hell not?' he asked himself. He ran, snickering evilly, to Irvine's room, and dealt out some much-deserved revenge.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"VAN FLYHEIGHT!" The identical screams of rage echoed through the halls, and reached into the kitchen, where the girls sat in their pajamas drinking coffee.  
  
"Sounds like Van's in for a good ass-kicking," Alandria mused, tossing back her third mug of high-octane java as running footsteps approached the kitchen.  
  
"WHERE IS HE, THAT BASTARD!?" Irvine yelled after bursting though the kitchen door. Mercutio followed, his socks making him slip around on the linoleum floor so much that he actually slid into the refrigerator before being able to stand beside Irvine, fuming. The girls stared for a moment, then started laughing. Both guys were in boxer shorts and T-shirts, and both had been decorated with whipped cream, magic markers, honey, and feathers. The final touch? Neatly written on their foreheads was the incriminating phrase, "Van was here", followed by a big smiley face.  
  
"Oh my," Moonbay giggled, once she'd composed herself a bit. "Van's got a dark side."  
  
"I'm surprised that's what he used the whipped cream for," Alandria said, shooting a pointed look at Fiona, who had no idea what she was talking about. Everyone else, however, is not as naive and innocent as Fiona. Which is why there were soon three cries of,  
  
"EWWWWW!"  
  
"Sorry, couldn't help it," she replied, smirking.  
  
"Where's Van?" Irvine growled. "I'm gonna kick his-"  
  
"Well, hello, everyone," the man of the moment himself said cheerily, coming into the room in a bath towel (A/N- Oh, hell yes! ^_^). Fiona sort of stared. 'Sexy, sexy abs!' she thought. Then, 'No, bad Fiona!'  
  
"I. Hate. You," Mercutio and Irvine said in unison, glaring daggers at Van. Van flashed a charming grin.  
  
"So, I guess this is Irvine and Mercutio: zero, Van: about a billion, huh?" he said in all of his strangely endearing cockiness. He laughed at his own brilliance. Irvine looked utterly pissed.  
  
"That's what you think," he muttered. He yanked Van's towel off, and handed it to Mercutio, who ran around the room holding it like a victory banner. Van was in shock. A loud whistle and a cry of  
  
"Yeah, baby!" from Alandria snapped him out of it.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed.  
  
"Looks to me like Van: negative two," Irvine informed, as Van tried desperately to find something to hide his finer assets among giggles from Moonbay and catcalls from Alandria. Fiona stared and blushed. Giving up, Van ran out of the room, screaming,  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURS, IRVINE!"  
  
"HEY, HOW COME IRVINE GETS IT?" Alandria called after Van. "LADIES FIRST, LIEUTENANT!"  
  
"Not what he meant," Moonbay informed.  
  
"I know, but I still wouldn't mind some," Alandria replied, wiggling her eyebrows. It was now apparent where Mercutio had gotten this action from. Fiona pouted. Who was this little girl to hit on HER man? Wait a minute, HER man? What was she thinking?  
  
"Huh?" Fiona asked. Alandria had been tapping her on the shoulder.  
  
"Geez, girl, I think maybe the salty coffee's making you zone," she teased. "Heh. Nice package, no?"  
  
"It's very impolite to speak about people like that, Alandria," Fiona informed. Sure, she'd been thinking the same thing, but at least she wasn't so...blunt about it.  
  
"So what? Guys talk about women like objects all the time," Alandria replied. "You're telling me we can't return the favor?" Okay, she sort of had a point there.  
  
"...That still doesn't make it right. We're ladies."  
  
"Maybe you are, Fiona," the younger girl said. "I, however, do not allow the expectations of a male-dominated society to dictate my behavior."  
  
"You're a bad-ass all the way, aren't you, Alandria?" Moonbay joked.  
  
"Yep."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"I am not having a good day," Raven grumbled. That was a bit of an understatement. The past three months had basically sucked. Mainly because Reese didn't understand the phrase, "I want to break up", so he'd had to spend his time running away from her. Now he was out in the middle of nowhere, and his adoring ex was, undoubtedly, close behind him.  
  
"I need to blow up or kill something," he said to himself. "That'll make me feel better." Shadow growled. His master had been blowing up various rock formations for the last few months, and he wasn't in a better mood yet. Then again, Raven was never actually in a good mood, so it wasn't that strange, really.  
  
"You know what, Shadow?" the black-haired Adonis said. "I've come to a conclusion: I. Hate. WOMEN!" The organoid growled and nodded enthusiastically. "I mean, women are insane. Especially ex-girlfriends. Doesn't Reese understand that it's not fun anymore?" Shadow ignored this. Raven was talking to himself now. "DAMMIT! SHE'S A PSYCHO-BITCH!" Shadow sweatdropped, and decided to back away from his master veeery slooowly. No sudden movements are to be made around a madman, especially when he's ranting about his former girlfriend.  
  
*Ooh, birdies,* Shadow thought, looking up at the sky. *Poor birdies,* he added, as Raven drew a gun.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA! DIE BIRDS! DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!" Raven yelled, shooting like a lunatic at the flock of birds in the sky. Two-thirds of the flock squawked pitifully and fell to the ground like rocks. "AH, THE THRILL OF THE KILL!" Raven shouted happily. "I LOVE IT!"  
  
*Master gets weirder and weirder,* Shadow thought, watching the young man pump extra bullets into the dead birds on the ground while laughing crazily.  
  
"DIE!" Raven continued to yell, in absolute ecstasy. "HAHAHAHAHA! DIE!"  
  
Shadow shook his metallic head. *Master needs some Prozac. Badly.*  
  
"YOU ARE A SACRIFICE TO THE MIGHTY RAVEN!" the said master explained to the very dead birds on the ground as he now pelted them with large rocks (he'd used up all his bullets during his killing spree). "BE FLAT, YOU FEATHERY BASTARDS!"  
  
*Master needs Prozac, a psychiatrist, and a straightjacket,* Shadow amended. Raven continued to viciously bash the bird corpses with rocks and scream about women and his love life. *Or maybe Master just needs to get laid.*  
  
"YES! OH, IT'S EXHILERATING!" Raven shouted, standing in the middle of the circle he'd made of his crushed, bloody victims, with his fist to the sky. "I AM A HUNTER! I MUST KILL! I LOVE TO KILL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He cleared his throat and walked away.  
  
"Well, come on, Shadow," he said in his usual monotonous voice. "It's getting late."  
  
*Master is a raving lunatic,* Shadow observed, as he followed obediently. *I love Master.*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- *snicker* I loved writing that.) 


	8. Motorcycles, Starlight Confessions, and ...

(A/N- Monty Python Fan#1. There, I remembered your name. Sorry, but my memory sucks ^_^; And I do bash the others. Irvine turns into a babbling idiot when he sees Moonbay in her pajamas, and Fiona's basically a dumb blonde. Okay, maybe I do bash Van more, but only because he reacts so well to it, and because in the TV show he has ZERO FLAWS that we know about. But I love Van. And if you read my intros, I make Bit Cloud out to be a complete moron ( I love him, too ). Hell, I only hurt the ones I love! But I'll be sure to make fun of the others more in future chapters so they're even, 'kay?)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Alandria POV*  
  
  
  
  
  
'Man, this place is getting boring,' I said to myself, wandering around the base. Hell, it was midnight, and there was nothing better to do. Call me crazy, but being in one place for an extended period of time just irks me. Sure, I'd only been at the base for two weeks, the food was good, and Van and Irvine were seriously yummy, but still.  
  
"I wonder where this goes," I thought out loud as I came upon a door I hadn't seen previously. I turned the knob, and it opened. Obviously it was fair game if it wasn't locked. I went down three flights of stone stairs in very minimal light, and finally got to the bottom. And what did I find?  
  
Jeeps! Trucks! ATVs! And my personal favorite,  
  
"Motorcycles," I breathed, running my fingers across the glossy black paint of one of the beautiful machines. I love motorcycles. They're more fun to drive than Zoids. And easier to hot-wire. Hmmm...  
  
It wasn't stealing if I intended to bring it back, right?  
  
  
  
  
  
*End POV*  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
(A/N- Just for my V/F fans, I'm gonna put this in. And so Monty Python Fan #1 can leave me alone about torturing Van. (Just joking, MPF! ^_^ I love all my reviewers!)  
  
  
  
  
  
Fiona stood on her balcony and stared off into the black night, thinking (A/N- Fiona thinks now? Usually she just states the obvious. Must be the silicone killing off her brain cells- *gets hit over the head by Van* Okay, on with the story!). Did Alandria like Van, or did she just like looking at him? But...if she did really like him...  
  
'What if he likes her back?' Fiona thought sadly. 'What if I lose Van - MY Van - to her? How could I live without him?'  
  
"Oh, Van..." she sighed longingly. "If only I could tell you..."  
  
"Tell me what?" he asked. Fiona whipped around.  
  
"I- I didn't hear you come in," she said, blushing. Van smiled. 'That angelic smile,' Fiona thought. 'He's so handsome. So perfect.'  
  
"Yeah, you were pretty caught up in the stars," Van explained, coming to stand next to her, looking up at the sky himself. "What exactly were you looking for?"  
  
"I'm not sure," she replied, leaning on the railing beside him.  
  
"You know...that one constellation up there looks kinda like a Blade Liger," he stated. Fiona giggled.  
  
"You think everything looks like a Blade Liger. You thought a cloud looked like a Blade Liger once."  
  
"That's because it did!"  
  
"It looked like a puppy!" Fiona argued.  
  
"Blade Liger!"  
  
"Puppy!"  
  
"Blade Liger!"  
  
"Puppy!"  
  
"Blade Liger, Blade Liger, Blade Liger!" Van insisted, tickling her. She shrieked with laughter.  
  
"Okay! Okay!" she panted after a few minutes. "It's a matter of opinion!"  
  
"Thank you," he said. Fiona shot him a sidelong glance.  
  
"Beacause it REALLY looked like a puppy."  
  
"Oh, shut up," he laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist and making her blush. He pointed up at his previously spotted constellation. "Now THAT does look like a Blade Liger."  
  
"Actually, it looks like you chasing Mercutio," Fiona informed.  
  
"Hmmm...If I squint, it kinda does," Van admitted. "But it normally looks like a Blade Liger." Fiona rolled her eyes, and pointed to another constellation.  
  
"That one looks like a horse."  
  
"Looks more like a Command Wolf to me."  
  
"Is there anything that doesn't look like some type of Zoid to you, Van?"  
  
"It's unlikely," he replied. They stood in silence for a moment, then he turned her to face him. Her heart started to pound as he ran his fingers through her hair, holding her close. There wasn't a sound except for their breathing, and a motorcycle engine fading away into the distance.  
  
"God, you're beautiful," he whispered. "You always have been." He brought her hand to his lips and began to kiss her fingertips. She closed her eyes.  
  
"I have to tell you," she said softly. "I-I've been in love with you for the longest time. I was just afraid that if I told you, you'd-" He silenced her with a gentle kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, in absolute rapture. She wasn't even alarmed when he slipped his tongue into her mouth. They eventually had to break for air.  
  
"The feeling is mutual, my love," he said. And they kissed again, and again...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- My God, how sugary can I get? Yeesh, I need a fight scene.)  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
*Alandria POV*  
  
  
  
  
  
There is nothing like going top speed on a motorcycle in the dead of night. The freedom is indescribable. I love SpiritWind, but you just can't get that in a Zoid. On a motorcycle, it's like you're flying.  
  
I'd driven for maybe two hours, loving every second, when something huge came into view. It didn't look like a rock formation. I stopped my ride, and rummaged through the attached pack-y thing until I found one of them big ol' military flashlights. I shined it on the thing.  
  
"What the hell are you?" I asked the thing, which turned out to be an enormous red Zoid. Wait, I'd seen that Zoid on a picture in the base. "The Geno-Breaker? There is one LARGE bounty on you, my little darling." I looked around with my flashlight. No campfire, no sign at all of anyone being there. Pilot must have been somewhere else. "A little extra cash never did a girl any harm," I said to myself, smirking, as I climbed off my bike.  
  
Now, hot-wiring a Zoid is more difficult than hot-wiring a motorcycle or a car, but it can be done. I just didn't have it down to an art yet. Hot- wiring a car takes, like, three seconds. And after about ten minutes, I was wishing this bad boy was a car.  
  
"Dammit!" I hissed, as yet another attempt failed, and I ended up cutting my thick leather glove on a piece of metal. Thank God for gloves, because otherwise I would have been bleeding all over my project. If only Zoids could be hot-wired from inside the cockpit instead of outside. Then I would have had a little more light to work by. And if the wires didn't spark so much, then I could have taken that damn hot motorcycle helmet off, but one can't have everything.  
  
And I almost had it when,  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"  
  
  
  
  
  
*End POV  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
*Shadow POV (Yay!)*  
  
  
  
  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Master roared. We had come back to Master's Zoid, just to find someone trying to steal it. Master was angry. Angrier than Master usually is.  
  
The thief turned to face Master, and cursed. I growled, and watched eagerly as Master ran up to the thief. Master and the thief threw punches at each other for a while, then the enemy's fist connected with Master's mouth. Master staggered back, his lip bleeding, and glared at his opponent.  
  
  
  
*Raven POV (double yay!)*  
  
  
  
That bastard made me bleed! Who was he to try and steal the Geno- Breaker, anyway? Then to have the nerve to draw blood on me? This was a blow to my pride as a warrior, not to mention the fact that it just plain pissed me off! I glared daggers at him. He was in a black suede bodysuit, with a leather jacket, boots, and gloves. I couldn't see his face because of the helmet.  
  
He pulled out a silver cylinder, then twisted it so that it shot out into a long, thin staff. Then, to my absolute rage, he beckoned to me, licking his lips. Not only was he a thief, but now he was hitting on me? He was going down!  
  
He blocked be with his stupid stick for a few moments, before I finally kicked it out of his hands. Then I landed a good punch to his stomach, making him double over in pain. I smirked. This was good.  
  
Until he kicked my legs out from under me, and I fell onto the ground. My pride now severely damaged, I got back up, punched him in the ribs, and pinned his arms behind his back. The mighty Raven does not lose fights.  
  
"Well, looks like I win, jerk," I sneered. I yanked his helmet off, and my pride disintegrated into oblivion. My Zoid had nearly been stolen, and two good blows had been landed on me...  
  
By a girl.  
  
I pushed her away hard, and she landed on the ground with a thud. Nevertheless, she smirked up at me.  
  
"Surprised, sugar?" she taunted. "How does it feel when a chick makes you bleed?" I pushed my utter shame aside.  
  
"You're in no position to be teasing anyone, you little bitch," I snarled. "In case you hadn't noticed, I am the mighty Raven."  
  
"Oh, wow," she said, each word dripping sarcasm. "I'm just quivering with fear over here. No really, I'm absolutely terrified." She was doing everything in her power to piss me off! She was insane!  
  
"Well, it's been fun, Mighty Raven, but I must get going," she said, getting up. "You will call, of course?"  
  
"Shadow, get her," I commanded.  
  
  
  
  
  
*End POV*  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Explain to me why I'm your little prisoner of war?"  
  
"Because you pissed me off," Raven replied coldly. Alandria nodded.  
  
"Ah. Hurts to get nearly beaten by a girl, doesn't it?" she teased. Raven turned around and glared at her.  
  
"If you say anything for the rest of the trip, I will kill you."  
  
"Really? Or is that just some more of that famous Raven bravado shining through?"  
  
"I said I'd kill you if you spoke!"  
  
"And you haven't yet, have you?" she challenged. Raven growled, and went back to driving the Geno-Breaker. She had him there. 'The only reason you're not dead,' he thought, 'is because you're a girl, and you're kinda pretty, and you have that low, sultry voice that I...kinda like listening to.'  
  
"So, my dear captor, would you like to tell me where we're going?"  
  
"No," he said. He looked back at her. She pouted and batted her eyelashes at him. He groaned. "We're going to my home. Or, what WAS my home." (A/N- I dunno if Raven's house is still standing at the very end of the series, but I know it's there when Shadow's temporarily dead, so humor me if I'm incorrect.)  
  
"Lovely. I'm guessing we're here?" she added, as the Geno-Breaker landed in front of a building. Raven didn't respond, just opened the cockpit and jumped out. "Aren't we the polite one," Alandria muttered, flipping Raven off when, unfortunately, his back was turned, and exiting the Zoid herself. "How do you put up with this guy?" she asked Shadow.  
  
*I dunno,* Shadow thought. It came out as a growl. Alandria petted his head. *Master doesn't pet me...*  
  
"In," Raven ordered, once he'd gotten the door open. Alandria rolled her eyes.  
  
"Please," she mocked, pushing past him into the house. "You could stand to learn some manners, babe. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." 'And I can't believe I'm quoting my mother.'  
  
"My manners are none of your business," Raven snarled.  
  
"They will be if I'm trapped here with you," she informed, looking around the house now that Raven had turned the lights on. It was actually pretty nice, when you got past the fact that there was dust and cobwebs everywhere. A picture on the wall caught her eye, and she went over to inspect it. There was an adorable little boy, about six years old, smiling for the camera, his big purple eyes shining.  
  
"Aww!" Alandria said. "He's so cute! Is this kid your little brother or something?"  
  
"No," Raven snapped. "He's me." Alandria stared at him.  
  
"You're BSing me," she insisted, looking between the little boy in the picture, and the scowling young man leaning against the wall. "There is no way in hell that a kid that precious turned out to be you," she said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he's so sweet and adorable, and you're so...not." That felt like a bullet to the heart, but he covered it up.  
  
"I'm not adorable, huh?"  
  
"It's not that," she replied, "I mean, you're cute for an evil jerk- off, but..." She squinted at both images of Raven, her own bright lavender eyes darting from one to the other. "It's...your eyes. There was so much life in them when you were little. Now they look dead."  
  
"Well. I'll have to keep that in mind."  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- long chappie! YAY!) 


	9. Cute Organoids, Bad Things To Hear In Th...

'Maybe this was a bad idea,' Raven thought, as the girl continued to explore the house. He'd expected her to be afraid of him, like everyone else in their right mind was. She didn't seem even the least bit intimidated!  
  
"Oooh, big computers!" she cried excitedly, from inside what was once Raven's parents' laboratory. "Do they still work?"  
  
"I honestly don't give a damn, girl," he replied.  
  
"Sheesh, do you try to be a jackass, or does it come naturally?" she shot back.  
  
"I'm going to kill her," Raven told Shadow. Shadow growled, as usual.  
  
*Whatever you say, Master,* he thought, shaking his head. He knew his master wouldn't REALLY kill her. His master had a secret weakness for females.  
  
"Hey, you know what just occurred to me?" the girl said, coming into the room. "You haven't asked me my name yet, Mighty Raven." The last two words were said mockingly. Raven scowled.  
  
"Fine. What's your name?"  
  
"Alandria," she replied. "Now you can stop calling me 'girl', and 'you'."  
  
"I feel so privilaged," Raven said sarcastically. Alandria went over to Shadow.  
  
"And who's this?" she asked, stroking his metal head. Shadow purred (A/N- if organoids can growl and roar, they can purr, dammit! Leave me alone, meanie!) and nuzzled her happily.  
  
"That's Shadow," Raven growled. "And he's a traitor." Alandria laughed.  
  
"He's cute!" she said, hugging the organoid's neck.  
  
*You hear that, Master? She thinks I'm cute!* Shadow thought cheerfully. *Don't you think I'm cute, Master?*  
  
"Cute?" Raven snapped. "He's not cute! He's fearsome and vicious!"  
  
"Are you Shadow? Are you vicious?" she cooed, rubbing her nose against his muzzle. "I don't think you are, I think you're a widdle sweetums! How did you get stuck with mean old Raven, anyway?"  
  
'Ugh, even Shadow's abandoned me,' Raven thought angrily, as he watched Alandria pet his organoid like he was just an exceptionally big dog. Shadow wagged his tail.  
  
"Shadow, stop that," he commanded. "Go out and find the girl some clothes to wear while she's here." Shadow growled, but went out the door, spread his wings, and flew off.  
  
"You should stop bossing him around like that," Alandria said, glaring at Raven. "Sooner or later he won't want to listen to you anymore if you keep being such a jerk to him."  
  
"Listen girl," Raven said, glaring back contemptuously. "How I act does not concern you. Shut up, or I promise you that I WILL kill you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This is disturbing," Irvine grumbled, turning over in bed again. He found himself wishing that his room was elsewhere in the base. Anywhere else he could have gone to sleep, without hearing Fiona moaning,  
  
"Oh, Van!"over and over again. Sure, he was happy for them, but it was...just a little disgusting to listen to.  
  
"God, what would they do if Moonbay and I were having loud sex," he muttered. "Probably act all shocked and dismayed, that's what. Damn little hypocrites." He tried to get to sleep again. A shriek and giggles from Fiona interrupted that. He groaned and got out of bed.  
  
"I CAN HEAR YOU!" he bellowed, pounding on the wall. "REMEMBER TO USE A CONDOM, VAN!" He was greeted by silence, other than a few embarrassed whispers. He grinned. "Have a nice night, you two," he called, before climbing back into bed.  
  
It was nice and quiet from then on, and Irvine had sweet dreams about Moonbay and money.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Shadow returned an hour later with a bag of girl clothes that he'd "borrowed" from nearby markets. He turned it over to his master for approval. Raven just nodded and said,  
  
"Good." He looked over at Alandria, and tossed her the bag. "It's time to go to bed. Get changed accordingly."  
  
"Oh, thank you," Alandria replied sarcastically. "You're such a sweet, generous man, I don't know how I'll live without just melting into your arms." She rolled her eyes and stalked into the bathroom. Raven relaxed on a chair and waited. After two minutes Alandria shouted out to him,  
  
"What the hell is up with this?"  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"These clothes! They're practically all see-through!"  
  
"And this bothers you?"  
  
"It bothers anyone in her right mind!" Alandria snapped. "I am not getting dressed up like a whore for YOUR benefit."  
  
"Suit yourself," he replied. "But it's that or nothing."  
  
"Geez, you son of a bitch..." Came the severely pissed muttered reply. Raven smirked. At least he had SOME power over her.  
  
"So, exactly why were you out riding a motorcycle in the middle of the night?" he asked. "Do you get off on the danger, or something?"  
  
"Actually, I get off on the heavy vibrations," she purred. The best way to get a guy's guard down? Say something like that.  
  
"E-Excuse m-me?" the mighty warrior stammered, blushing. Shadow shook his head.  
  
*The last time Master acted like this, I was kicked outta the bedroom,* he recalled. *For hours.*  
  
"Well, O Kidnapper, are you satisfied?" Alandria demanded, coming out of the bathroom wearing something that you'd usually only see on a lingerie model (think Victoria's Secret. Some of that gauzy black stuff), and looking none too happy about it.  
  
"I've seen better," Raven informed, leaning back in his chair. Unfortunately, at that moment, he'd forgotten that his chair was backless. "OW! Dammit!" he yelled.  
  
"Uh-huh," Alandria replied, deciding to slip on a pair of loose drawstring pants. Never trust a man who's so preoccupied staring at you that he manages to fall backwards in a chair he's been sitting in for several minutes. Raven stood up, blushing bright red from embarrassment.  
  
"Just get into bed," he ordered, trying to recover and act tough again, despite his current coloration. He nodded to the one large bed in the center of the room. Alandria looked from him to the bed, and back again.  
  
"Oh, you are not telling me that we're sleeping together," she said. "There is no way in hell that I am getting in bed with you!"  
  
"You don't like it, sleep on the floor," he said, climbing under the covers. Alandria glared at him, eyes narrowed dangerously.  
  
"I'm really beginning to hate you," she informed, tying the drawstring as tight as possible without cutting off circulation, and getting into the other side of the bed, staying as far away from him as possible. "If you touch me, I'll rip your lungs out." Raven smirked.  
  
"Goodnight," he mocked.  
  
"Bite. Me." 


	10. Raven's Thoughts, Thomas Finds Out, and ...

HealerAriel: Hey, y'all!  
  
Van: *grumble* I can't believe they took Guardian Force off the air and replaced it with Chaotic Century. I LOOK SO MUCH BETTER WHEN I'M EIGHTEEN!  
  
Irvine: Yeah, and the girls look better when you're eighteen, too. Mmmm, boobs... *drools*  
  
HealerAriel: -_-; ....'Kay, then. Anyways, I almost cried when they decided not to play the ending episodes of Guardian Force. Particularly since they're not on tape, so I'LL NEVER GET TO SEE HOW IT ENDS!! *breaks down into sobs. Van and Irvine hug her and try to comfort her*  
  
Bit: *crazy grin* But the happy news is, I'm on TV again!! *does a stupid little dance* Go Bit, go Bit, I'm the man, I'm the man!  
  
Van: Oh, shut up, they give you an annoying voice.  
  
Irvine: Yeah, I mean, haven't you gone through puberty yet in the show? Geez...  
  
Bit: Damn you, Irvine. AND I DON'T HAVE AN ANNOYING VOICE NOW, SO KISS MY ASS!  
  
Van: O_o No way am I related to him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Stop moving," Raven ordered.  
  
"Forgive me, Master, but it's freezing in here," Alandria snapped. "God, you just COULDN'T have gotten me any whole pajamas to wear, could you?" Raven groaned.  
  
"You are keeping me awake with your incessant fidgeting," he retorted.  
  
"And I am being kept awake by the fact that I am turning into an icicle!" she growled. Raven rolled his eyes, and pulled her to his body.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Alandria shrieked in outrage as she struggled against him (not that it would have done any good, him being older, taller, and stronger than she was). Raven tightened his grip.  
  
"Attempting to keep you warm so you can quit bitching," he snarled. "And I can finally get some sleep." They glared at each other for a few seconds.  
  
"Fine. But you'd better not try anything," she warned, turning her back to him.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself," he muttered, wrapping an arm around her. A few moments later the girl's breathing became deep and even, and he knew she was asleep. He subconciously pulled her closer. There were two things he honestly missed about his former relationship with Reese. The first and foremost, of course, was having someone to make out and have sex with whenever he pleased (he's a guy, after all). The second was having a warm body in bed next to him. It was a surprisingly nice feeling, actually. Even when the bedmate in question didn't like you very much.  
  
Raven licked his lips. The lower still tasted like blood from that punch to the mouth earlier. That hurt like hell, not that he'd admit it to anyone, especially not Alandria. It was bad enough that she'd almost bested him in a fist fight. A younger girl! That had caused extensive ego damage, moreso than physical damage. A mighty warrior, as a rule, should never get a good blow landed on him by a girl. At least, he should never let anyone know about it and live to tell the tale.  
  
"You're such an annoyance," he whispered. Then he realized that he'd been absentmindedly playing with her hair for the past five minutes. He withdrew his hand quickly, and slipped it back around her waist. 'Ooh, she's so nice and warm and soft,' a little voice in the back of his head said. 'And she smells like (insert favorite candy/ice cream/dessert/etc.). I wonder if she tastes that good-' Raven promptly slapped himself across the face. He did not need to be thinking this way about his captive.  
  
"Raven," he muttered to himself, "it's been FAR too long since you've gotten laid."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, Miss Fiona!" Thomas called, racing to her room. It was eight in the morning, and the object of his affections usually got up earlier. And the young, lovestruck Lieutenant Schubaltz was desperate to see her.  
  
'Ah, her voice is like music, she has the face of an angel, and her smile rivals the brightness of the very sun!' he thought amourously, clasping his hands over his heart. 'Oh, Fiona! Someday you'll see how much I adore you!' (A/N- fat chance, Tommy-Boy) Thomas knocked on her door. Waited a few minutes. No reply.  
  
"I hate to wake you up, my darling," he said, "but you'll miss breakfast otherwise." And with that, he quietly opened the door. He almost screamed.  
  
Fiona was lying in bed completely naked (well, he could only see her from the waist up), with nothing shielding her chest from view but a muscular arm belonging to Van.  
  
"F-F-Fiona? N-no," Thomas stammered, before dropping to the floor in a dead faint. The resulting thud woke Van up. The completely droolworthy, oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-Fiona-got-to-see-him-naked-and-I-didn't Republican Lieutenant yawned, and gazed lovingly at his bedmate. (A/N- Dammit, Van, why can't you look at ME like that?! *get's slapped over the head by Van* Okay, fine!)  
  
"Morning, babe," he said, kissing her neck. She moaned, and turned to her other side. They wrapped their arms around each other.  
  
"It's morning already?" she asked, looking into his handsome face and pouting. He smiled, and brushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes.  
  
"Mmm-hmm."  
  
"Time flies when you're having fun," she replied, giving him a mischievous look. (A/N- since when has Fiona's range of facial expressions been expanded from "sad", "worried", "amused", "happy", and "innocently confused"?)  
  
"Yes it does." Van went to kiss her, but happened to glance at the floor. And the unconscious Thomas with a horrified expression lying on the floor. "WHAT THE HELL?!" he yelped, jumping so violently that he ended up falling out of the bed and landing on his cute ass on very cold tile.  
  
"Van? What's wrong?" Fiona asked, alarmed, as Van hastily yanked on his boxers.  
  
"Thomas!" Van yelled, pointing to the pile of dork on the floor. Fiona gasped and pulled the sheets around herself.  
  
"What's he doing in here?"  
  
"Well, considering that he's in love with you," Van grumbled, "he probably came in to see you, saw us together, and fainted like the pussy he is!"  
  
"What's a-?"  
  
"Nevermind." He walked over to Thomas and tried to wake him up. By kicking him very hard in the groin. Thomas grunted, but didn't wake up.  
  
"Damn - stupid - son - of - a - bitch," Van snapped, enunciating each word with a kick, until he'd kicked Thomas all the way out the door (A/N- Gee, you think maybe Vannie-pooh's a little peeved? Well, damn, didn't he think to lock the door before he banged Fiona? Oh yeah, that's right: "God gave man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to use one at a time." ~ The great Robin Williams).  
  
"Van, do you really think that's necessary?" Fiona questioned, as Van slammed and locked the door (A/N- Oh, NOW he thinks to lock it. Baka.)  
  
"Fiona, when you're pissed off, a lot of things become necessary."  
  
"Oh. That makes sense, I guess. Umm, do you think I should get dressed?"  
  
"Personally, I like you that way, but...Yeah, put some clothes on. Let's go get something to eat."  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, how'd you guys sleep?" Moonbay yawned as Van and Fiona made their entrance in the kitchen, where she, Irvine, and Mercutio were sitting around the table in their pajamas drinking coffee. Irvine shot the couple a devious glance.  
  
"Oh, there was no sleeping going on," he informed. Mercutio's eyes widened, and he stared at Van and Fiona, both of whom were now blushing furiously. He grinned.  
  
"YOU WERE DOIN' THE HIPPITY-DIPPITY!" he accused gleefully. "The horizontal mambo! The between-the-bedsheets tango! The-"  
  
"Shut up!" Van shouted, stuffing a large doughnut into the boy's mouth.  
  
"Ooh, Boston creme," Mercutio said, chewing on the pastry. "Yum. Oh, there's MORE!" he shouted, now digging through the doughnut box and cramming several in his mouth at a time.  
  
"My goodness," Moonbay giggled. "Did you two really do something that naughty?"  
  
"I did something naughty?" Fiona asked innocently. Cue sweatdrops for the rest of the company.  
  
"Uh, Fiona?" Moonbay replied. "Maybe you and I should have a little talk sometime." Irvine chuckled evilly.  
  
"You did take my advice on the condoms, though, didn't you, Van?" he asked, just as Karl Schubaltz walked into the room (A/N- *pant* Ooooooh, that's where the good genes in the Schubaltz family went. *droooooooool* Take it off Karl, baby! OW!). The cutie-pie Imperial soldier looked around the room warily.  
  
"That is one of those conversations I wish I hadn't walked in on," he muttered, shaking his head as he promptly exited the room again. Irvine had served his purpose, though. Van looked about ready to faint from sheer embarrassment. Then something else occured to the fine mercenary.  
  
"Hey, Mercutio?" he asked the teenager, who was now chugging coffee straight from the pot after pouring lots and lots of sugar into it. "Where's your counterpart?"  
  
"Alandria? How should I know? Probably got sick of this place and went off on her own."  
  
"But SpiritWind's still in the hangar," Moonbay pointed out. "The only thing unaccounted for is one motorcycle."  
  
"Yeah, she likes motorcycles. Probably hotwired it," Mercutio answered nonchalantly, shooting a furtive look around, stealing a sausage off Irvine's plate, and stuffing it into his mouth before he was caught. "I mphn," he continued through a mouthful of processed meat, "Ish no' 'ike she 'ashn't done dat befo'." (A/N- erm, that was "I mean, it's not like she hasn't done that before")  
  
"That's a damn shame," Irvine said. "I'm really gonna miss the wolf whistles. The smacks on the ass were kinda nice, too. It's an ego boost when a chick treats you like a lust object."  
  
"You don't need an ego boost," Moonbay grumbled. "And she actually smacked your ass?!"  
  
"No. I just wanted to see if you'd get jealous."  
  
"...I hate you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Raven yawned and looked at the sleeping girl in his arms. She seemed to have changed her mind about him in the middle of the night, because she was now snuggling up to him, resting her head on his bare chest (A/N- *lustful panting* Me want!). Which was kinda nice, he admitted to himself. He held her tighter, enjoying every second thoroughly. Reese had never been much fun to cuddle with. She'd taught him some...useful things during their brief affair, though (A/N- wink, wink; nudge, nudge). Plus, she was good in bed. That was really all that had mattered at the time.  
  
Alandria groggily blinked her eyes, unaware of her surroundings. In mid-yawn, her eyes snapped open, and the shimmering lavender orbs became fixed on Raven. She jerked away from him.  
  
"I told you not to touch me!" she snarled. Raven smirked and lay back with his arms crossed behind his head.  
  
"If memory serves," he said, "I believe YOU were the one curled up to me like a kitten." Alandria grabbed a handful of black hair and yanked it violently.  
  
"OW! Bitch!" Raven yelled.  
  
"Hmph." Alandria tossed her shiny hair and stalked into the bathroom. Then, as an afterthought, she called, "I'm taking a shower." Raven decided not to inform her that there were no towels in the bathroom.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
*Alandria POV*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I was very relieved to take a shower. I like being clean, and I hadn't been able to shower the previous night.  
  
'I can't believe that,' I thought angrily. 'Cuddling HIM? He's such a jerk! HE'S the one who was doing the cuddling! Horny bastard...' I shook it off. I'd cut his balls off later. Yeah, that'd make me feel better. I smiled at the thought as I turned the water off and wrang my hair out.  
  
"Okay...towel, towel, towel..." I muttered to myself, rooting through the cabinets. Plenty of soap, lots of washcloths, various bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Not a towel in sight. I cursed.  
  
"Need this?" an amused voice asked. I whipped around. Raven stood in the doorway, holding a towel. Fear and embarrassment took over my body, and I froze. Nobody had EVER seen me naked except my mother. Luckily my hair was long enough to cover my breasts.  
  
"Wh-what are you doing in here?" I demanded hoarsely. I started to shake as he looked me over, still unable to move from shock. He smirked, and tossed me the towel. I unfroze and hastily wrapped it tightly around myself.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not interested," he said, as coldly as ever. "Your hips are too wide and your tits are too small. Now I'M taking a shower," he informed, "so get out unless you care to watch." To prove his point, he started pulling his clothes off right in front of me. I grabbed my bag of minimal clothing and darted out of the room. I might have liked seeing him naked, and I didn't want to risk that. That would have given him power over me. He was sexy enough with just his shirt off.  
  
Damn him.  
  
I sorted through the clothes in the bag. Everything was black, which I didn't mind. But everything was also pretty slutty. For someone who didn't like my body, Raven was certainly making sure it was in plain view. Whatever didn't bare my belly or cleavage was see-through, I had not been given a bra, and the house was very cold inside. At least the clothes weren't white.  
  
A metal snout bumped into the small of my back. I finished buttoning the lacy, semi-transparent dress I'd reluctantly decided on and turned around. Shadow the organoid was giving me a confused look. I laughed.  
  
"Hey, buddy," I said, petting his smooth head. "What's that bewildered expression for?" He continued to study me, looking puzzled, then cooed and nuzzled me. "I'm glad somebody here likes me." 


	11. The Ice Prince Begins To Thaw, and No Re...

Van: I have a question for you, HealerAriel.  
  
HealerAriel: Fire away, Lieutenant.  
  
Van: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never so much as touched a guy, right?  
  
HealerAriel: Uhh...I backfisted a guy in the balls once...  
  
Van: -_-;; Yeah, not what I meant.  
  
Bit: But thank you for sharing. Now we know not to piss you off.  
  
HealerAriel: I'm all-powerful here, numbnuts, you shouldn't piss me off anyway. 'Cause you KNOW what happened when the Animorphs annoyed me.  
  
Guys: Oh yes, we do...  
  
Irvine: But back to the subject... You've never touched a guy in an AFFECTIONATE way, right?  
  
HealerAriel: That is none of your business.  
  
Guys: Humor us.  
  
HealerAriel: *rolls eyes* No, I haven't. Why?  
  
Van: Because you always end up writing these graphic makeout and sex scenes.  
  
HealerAriel: *suspicious glare* Have you been looking through my notebooks?  
  
Guys: *anime hand-behind-head thing* Heh heh heh... Guilty...  
  
Bit: We just wanted to know...how can you write that stuff without any experience?  
  
HealerAriel: Because I am as perverse as I am creative. And I read. A lot. There are some great lemons between you and Leena, actually.  
  
Bit: ^_______^ Oh, hell yes. Maybe I'll ask her if we can act 'em out sometime.  
  
Van&Irvine: Didn't need to hear that...  
  
HealerAriel: Actually, I have to get this off my chest; I was up until 5am Saturday night reading Inuyasha smut-fics. Really, really graphic ones.  
  
Van&Irvine: Didn't need to hear that, either...  
  
HealerAriel: HEY! I can't help it! I've sworn to chastity! I need some kind of outlet...  
  
Bit: You WERE just reading, right? 'Cause, you know, some people-  
  
HealerAriel: *whacks Bit upside the head* PERV! I don't do that stuff! I just read. Reading is fine for me. And if you'll drop the subject, I'll print some stuff out for you about you and Leena.  
  
Bit: *drool* Me wanteeeee....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Talk about your all-time backfires," Raven grumbled. He'd walked in on Alandria intending to embarrass her so severely that she'd learn to respect and fear him. He'd embarrassed her, alright, but he'd ended up... Well, he was very thankful for his acting skills and the design of his uniform (A/N- ya know, he's got that built-in cod piece thing going on). It was very difficult to be cold and emotionless when he could feel himself getting hard as he spoke. Looking her over had almost killed him.  
  
"I'm not attracted to her," he told himself as the hot water streamed over his muscular naked body (A/N- *drooooooool*). "Seeing any woman would have done that to me. It has nothing to do with her."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
While Raven was in total denial - er, while he was in the shower - Alandria and her new friend, Shadow, were taking inventory of the kitchen. There was not much in the ways of food. At least, nothing that was still edible.  
  
"That bastard can steal slutty clothes to put me in, but he can't steal food," Alandria grumbled, slamming yet another empty cabinet shut. "What the hell is up with that?"  
  
*Master's hornier than he is hungry,* Shadow growled in reply. Poor thing, it must get frustrating when nobody understands what you're saying. And Raven just bosses him around and yells at him. Oh, uh, back to the subject at hand...  
  
"Hey buddy," Alandria said, petting Shadow's neck, "seeing as how jack-off in there has you fetch everything anyway, would you mind going out and swiping some food? I'm not picky, anything'll do."  
  
*You ask for things a lot nicer than Master does,* Shadow decided, bumping her affectionately with his snout before taking off.  
  
"What the hell are you using my organoid for?" a very nasty voice demanded from behind Alandria.  
  
"I'm not using him," she replied, smirking. "I have genuine affection for him." (A/N- HAHA!...You don't get it, do you? Nevermind.) Feeling very cocky, she turned to face Raven, hands on her hips. "I sent him out for some food, since you obviously couldn't handle that."  
  
"You're such a bitch," the ill-tempered lust object shot back (A/N- Sorry, I'm getting off-topic again). 'Nice choice of clothing,' he added silently, looking her over for the second time that day. 'She doesn't have THAT bad of a body on her...Lord knows, there's worse. Reese had nicer-'  
  
"Why are you staring at me?!" Alandria demanded for the fifth time, shaking Raven out of his vivid fantasies of having Alandria and Reese in bed with him at the same time. Which he would have enjoyed thoroughly.  
  
"Staring at you?" he snapped. "Why would I put myself through the agony? I don't want to look at you any more than I have to."  
  
  
  
*Raven POV*  
  
  
  
We just looked at each other for a minute. Maybe I'd gone a little too far. Her expression was unreadable.  
  
"You're not gonna cry, are you?" I asked, not nearly as coldly as I'd meant to. I hate it when girls cry, okay?! It's not like I was going soft or anything. They just look so pathetic when they cry, that's all. Her lips - her full, pretty lips - curled up into a snarl.  
  
"You think I'm just a weak little bimbo, don't you?" she hissed, glaring at me with the utmost hatred. "What, you think you can break me by...by walking in on me when I'm naked, and insulting me?" I was completely taken aback by this reaction.  
  
"N-no, that's not-"  
  
"Well, you've got another thing coming to you," she continued, not even letting me finish. "I don't know what kind of girls you know, but I'm not like that. You will not break me." And with that, she turned on her heel and left the room.  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh my God," Van mumbled, massaging the bridge of his nose. It was bad enough that Mercutio was universally annoying, but his newest pastime was bound to get Van in trouble eventually. For the past three hours, Mercutio had made a point of trying to irritate someone much higher in rank than Van.  
  
"Hey," Mercutio whispered, standing right beside Colonel Schubaltz, who was looking at some sort of official military...thing with the other important dudes. He was ignored. "Yooooo-hooooo, Karl? Kaa-aaaaarl?"  
  
The Imperial officer did nothing except make an annoyed grinding noise in his throat. Mercutio went with a different approach.  
  
"Karly?" he asked, poking the Colonel repeatedly in the ribs. "Karly- pooh? KAR-LAY!"  
  
By this point, Irvine and Moonbay were taking bets as to how long before the Colonel got sick of the agrivating teenager and smacked him around a little. Van was deciding how to write out his will, because he was as good as dead if his "friend" pissed off a colonel enough.  
  
"Is Mercutio allowed to do that?" Fiona asked Van softly, as Mercutio moved in front of the Colonel and started doing a dance that made him look remarkably like a rabid gopher.  
  
"No-o-o," Van moaned. "Aw, man, my military career is so over."  
  
"Karl, Karl, Karl, Karl," Mercutio chanted, doing a new dance that involved standing in one place, but swinging his knees in and out. Now he looked like a demented lumberjack. "Who's mah Karl, who's mah Karl?" He was still, believe it or not, getting absolutely no attention. He growled.  
  
"Two more minutes," Moonbay hissed. Irvine shook his head.  
  
"Karl's got good control, but Mercutio could piss a monk off. I give him twenty seconds, tops."  
  
"Yeah? What are you betting on that one?" she asked. Irvine smirked.  
  
"Loser buys dinner tonight."  
  
"Deal." She leaned back and surveyed the (A/N- really, really hot) mercenary beside her. "You know, Alandria's got a point. You have a great ass."  
  
"I try."  
  
"KARLY!" Mercutio screeched, throwing his arms around Colonel Schubaltz, scampering like a little monkey onto his shoulders, and sitting there. Then, as the clincher, he knocked off the imperial babe's hat and started picking through his sandy blond hair, pretending to eat a bug every once in a while. Some of the other military dudes started to snort in amusement as Colonel Schubaltz threw the boy off his shoulders, then picked him up by the collar and held him a foot above the ground.  
  
"Yes?" the colonel hissed, narrowing his eyes. Mercutio treated him to a moronic grin.  
  
"Hee hee, I love you, man. Don't kick my ass."  
  
"Show more respect for an officer, BOY," Colonel Schubaltz commanded, dropping Mercutio roughly and offering glares to all of the men below his staus who were laughing.  
  
"You owe me dinner," Irvine informed, patting Moonbay's shoulder and smirking again (A/N- I can't help it, he's so cute when he looks all cocky! 'Course he's cute all the time, but....).  
  
"You're such a jerk."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
It had gotten dark, and Raven hadn't seen Alandria since she'd stormed out of the room. He wouldn't admit it to himself, but deep down, he was a little worried about her.  
  
'It's not like I care,' he reassured himself as he headed up to the roof, having already checked the rest of the house. His prisoner was standing with her back to him, staring up into the sky. As he got closer, he could see her shivering slightly. It was a little cold out, and she really wasn't wearing much...  
  
Before he knew what he was doing, Raven had pulled off his cloaky- jackety thing and draped it over the girl's shoulders. She jumped at his touch and quickly faced him.  
  
"What are you doing?" she demanded, glaring at him.  
  
'She's still pissed about that remark earlier, isn't she?' Raven thought, wincing slightly. He hadn't meant to hurt her...well, not really. Reese had never gotten so defensive when he insulted her. But, that was Reese, and Reese was a little unbalanced anyway.  
  
"I thought you might have been cold," he said emotionlessly. Alandria turned away from him, clutching the warm fabric around her.  
  
"Why do you care?" she snapped. "You're nasty to me the rest of the time." That stung more than Raven had expected it to. Honestly, he was beginning to like Alandria. It took guts for her to try to steal the GenoBreaker, fist fight with a man wanted for mass homocide, and maintain her dignity after being looked at when she was completely naked. Raven soon found himself doing something else he never expected.  
  
  
  
*Alandria POV*  
  
  
  
He rested his hands on my hips and pulled me close so that my back was pressed against him. Adrenaline started pumping through my system - what was he doing? I could feel his hot breath against my ear. He was really scaring me now. My mind was screaming at me to run, but I couldn't move.  
  
"What do you say, we call a truce?" he whispered, his breath tickling my ear and sending shivers down my back. I hated what he was doing, why was my body reacting so differently than my mind? I wanted to escape, to hit him, anything! But I was still frozen, just like I'd been that morning. I started to shake violently, and not because of the cold.  
  
"Am I scaring you?" he mocked, fingering the buttons on my dress. "If I'd known that this was all it would take, I'd have done it sooner." That bastard! He'd been TRYING to scare me?! I whipped around and slapped him across the face, anger allowing me to move again.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU?!" I screamed. He caught my arm before I could administer the punch I'd been preparing. He pinned my arms behind my back and roughly pulled me against his chest. I glared up at him with absolute loathing. " I hate you!" I spat, struggling against him as hard as I could. He tightened his grip on me until it was almost painful.  
  
"You've got guts, little girl," he teased. "I'm bigger and stronger than you, and you fight me anyway. I like that in a woman. Now how about that truce? I'll be nice to you, you be nice to me."  
  
"Go to hell!"  
  
"Wrong answer," he said, holding me even tighter. "Care to try again?"  
  
"Fine!" I spat, once I was convinced that I couldn't escape his hold on me. He released his grip, now resting one hand in the small of my back, one under my chin.  
  
"Good girl." He smirked. Something sparkled in his eyes as he looked down at me, slowly tilting my face upward. Was it my imagination, or was his smirk slowly turning into an honest-to-God smile? 'Why doesn't this boy smile more often?' I wondered. 'He's so adorable when he smiles, it makes a girl want to cry!'  
  
"I didn't mean what I said before, about not liking how you look," he whispered, his face inches away from mine. I opened my mouth to speak. No sound came out. I felt my eyes flutter closed as his warm lips met mine in a softer kiss than I would have assumed such a man capable of. My first kiss. Once I got over the fact that Raven was kissing me, I realized with a shock that... Raven was kissing me! My eyes snapped open and I jerked away.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, arms around my waist.  
  
"You take me hostage, you look at me naked, you insult me constantly, then you apologize and kiss me, all in less than forty-eight hours? What the hell?!" I demanded. The famous Raven smirk reappeared.  
  
"If memory serves, you were kissing right back," he informed, "so apparently you didn't mind." Okay, so it WAS a pretty nice kiss... But this was RAVEN! The all-around bad guy!  
  
"Of course I minded!" I lied. "You can't just-" He shut me up by kissing me again. 'Okay, maybe he can...' I admitted silently, starting to run my fingers through his long, soft hair. 'Um, what am I doing?' I asked myself. 'This is Raven; as in, the bad guy. Why am I letting him do this to me?' I yanked away again.  
  
"NOW what's bothering you, woman?!" he groaned. I couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"Oh, so I've been promoted from 'Girl'?" I mocked. A splash of pink appeared on his pale cheeks. He was BLUSHING?! I made the big, bad Raven blush!  
  
"You're trying my last nerve," he growled, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"Aw, you mean no more kisses for me tonight?" I asked. His cheeks turned pinker.  
  
"That was a fluke," he snapped, beginning to walk away. "Shadow brought the damn food you asked for, by the way. Do something useful with it." I followed him, sensing the chance to annoy him more.  
  
"That would be the Raven way of asking me to make dinner?"  
  
"JUST DO IT!" he roared. Somehow, him being all pissed off amused me.  
  
"Aren't you the sweet one," I teased, tickling him. He slapped my hands away angrily. I laughed. He was so much fun to irritate, I couldn't help it!  
  
"I'll go make dinner now," I surrendered, still giggling. 


	12. Love, Crime, and Psychiatrists

HealerAriel: Hello! We are now going to discuss the striking similarities in the characters of both Zoids series! Here goes:  
  
Bit Cloud and Van Flyheight- the Main Guy. His cocky attitude is strangely endearing; he pilots a Liger; he's cute as hell, and he's oblivious to the fact that the Main Girl has a bit of a thing for him.  
  
Leena Torros and Fiona Alisi Lynette- the Main Girl. She's very pretty and likes the Main Guy, although she won't tell him so. Although you'd think the boy would get the picture since she's usually rather, erm, exposed in his presence (Fiona has them booby-holsters; Leena traipses around in front of Bit in only her bath towel)  
  
Harry Champ and Thomas Richard Schubaltz- the Hopeless Romantic Without A Chance In Hell. He is openly madly in love with the Main Girl, and will try anything to win her heart, but she ignores him because of her affection for the Main Guy; you feel kind of bad for him because he's such a shmuck, and you know he'd treat the Main Girl like a princess if he ever got her, but you laugh at his failures nonetheless because he's a dweeb.  
  
Brad Hunter and Irvine- the Really Cute, Emotionally Detatched Mercenary. He pilots a Command Wolf at first, but uses a new Zoid later on in the series; he loves money; he is outwardly a complete asshole, but is really a pretty nice guy underneath it all; he kinda likes the Really Cool Tough Chick, but won't admit it.  
  
Naomi (I can't spell her last name worth a damn) and Moonbay- the Really Cool Tough Chick. She's beautiful and intelligent, and doesn't take anybody's shit; she's an exhibitionist, and you find yourself despising her because her body is SO much better than yours; she has a Gustav; she has an obvious thing for the Really Cute, Emotionally Detatched Mercenary, but since he IS so emotionally detatched, she doesn't know if he likes her back, so she worships him from afar.  
  
Dr. Steve Torros and Dr. D- the Really Funny, Good-Hearted, Mad Scientist Figure. He's older than the rest of the cast, but manages to be less mature than them; he loves working on Zoids; he's very supportive of the Main Girl in all of her endeavors, no matter what they may be; he helps the Main Guy out a lot; he is a constant source of comic relief because he's so off-the- wall in everything he does.  
  
The Backdraft Group and the trio of Raven/Reese/Hiltz (only counts when they're working as a team)- the Honest-To-God Bad Guys. They hate everyone, especially the good guys, and adore weapons of mass destruction. Yes, they are psychotic - how nice of you to notice.  
  
Pierce and Reese (by herself)- the Repentant Villainess. Sure, she started out as a bad gal, but now she realizes that her choice to help the side of evil was wrong, so she leaves her group and goes off on her own.  
  
Liger 0 and Zeke- the Sidekick. He's the Main Guy's best buddy, because the Main Guy is the only one who really understands him. Let's face it, the Main Guy would be nothing without him.  
  
:::In A Class By Themselves:::  
  
Raven (alone); Jamie; Leon Torros; Jack Sisco; Benjamin and Sebastian; Emperor Rudolf; Hiltz (alone)  
  
HealerAriel: Yeah, those are the only ones without a stereotypical role to play. On with the story!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'No, this doesn't work,' Moonbay thought as she dismissed yet another outfit from her closet. She'd already condemned about fifteen, all of which now cluttered her floor. 'Why am I so desperate to look nice for Irvine?' she wondered. She sighed. 'Because he's damn sexy,' she answered herself, still rooting through the closet.  
  
"You might work," she told a little red dress. Figuring it was worth a shot, she slipped it off the hanger, pulled it over her head, and looked in the mirror. The dress was skintight, showed quite a bit of cleavage, and didn't even come to mid-thigh. Considering the circumstances, it was perfect. She smiled at her reflection as she let her hair down and brushed it out.  
  
'I wonder if he'll kiss me! This is sort of a date, after all.' She shivered hopefully at the thought. He was so gorgeous! If he really did kiss her... She couldn't even imagine what she would do!  
  
"Irvine," she sighed, falling backwards onto her bed. 'Look at me,' she mused. 'I'm getting all ditzy over him again, and I don't even care.'  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Where are we going?" Moonbay asked. She and Irvine had been driving for an hour and a half, and the nearest city was a twenty-minute drive from the base - in the other direction (A/N- in case you hadn't figured it out yet, they've borrowed a car from the base).  
  
"You'll see," he replied, almost smiling.  
  
"Irvine, we're in the middle of nowhere," she pointed out. He'd even shocked her by dressing nicely and actually combing his hair, and now they were going to hang out in the wilderness? She decided to test him. "I don't think this has anything to do with that bet we made. I think you were just trying to trick me into a date."  
  
"You think so?" he replied innocently. Moonbay nodded. "Well, maybe I was. What are you gonna do about it?" he challenged.  
  
"Why would I do anything about it?" Moonbay asked, in a tone just as challenging. "I don't mind." Irvine raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"So, you like me, huh?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"That's what it sounded like."  
  
"Whatever. Besides, why would it mean so much to you if I did?"  
  
"You are so damn stubborn," Irvine laughed, finally stopping the car near a bunch of trees.  
  
"We're still in the middle of nowhere," Moonbay informed, as he actually opened the car door for her.  
  
"Yeah, maybe," he agreed, smiling and reaching out for her hand. "But I know something you don't."  
  
"Do you now?" she asked, allowing him to help her out of the car. He nodded, and began to lead her through the trees.  
  
"It's a lovely night, isn't it?" he said. Moonbay snickered.  
  
"That was random," she stated. "And I realize I've been asking this for the past hour or so, but allow me to reiterate: Where are you taking me?"  
  
"Don't you trust me, Moonbay?" he asked, flashing a charming grin.  
  
"Well, I guess I do-"  
  
"Good," he said, covering her eyes.  
  
"NOW what are you doing?"  
  
"Humor me," he replied, guiding her gently through the last few trees. "Now you can look," he informed, unblocking her vision.  
  
"Oh," she breathed. They were standing on a cliff above a beautiful valley (A/N- if you've seen The Fellowship of The Ring, think Rivendell without all the buildings) with a sparkling blue-green river running through it. There was what looked like an ancient castle on a far hillside, illuminated by the full moon's silver beams.  
  
"Pretty cool, huh?" Irvine prompted from behind her, taking her hands in his own and resting his chin on her shoulder.  
  
"I didn't know a place this...gorgeous...could even exist," she replied. "And I certainly didn't know you'd care about it."  
  
"Hey, just because I'm a guy, I'm not allowed to know what is or isn't considered to be a romantic view?" he teased. "That hurts, Moonbay."  
  
"But, you're so..."  
  
"Callous?" Irvine offered, kissing her earlobe. "Unfeeling? Sarcastic?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Moonbay admitted.  
  
"Not always," he informed, cuddling her against his chest. "And you know what?"  
  
"What?" she asked. He turned her around and pressed his lips to hers, and Moonbay felt like she might actually faint. 'He's kissing me!' she thought blissfully, as she wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. She'd been wanting this for so long, it was unreal! He pulled away and whispered into her ear,  
  
"I'm in love with you."  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N- that was for my Irvine/Moonbay fans out there! See, Irvine can be romantic. Uh, not often, but.... What the hell, GO IRVINE AND MOONBAY!!!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Raven plopped unceremoniously into an armchair while Alandria set to making dinner. Why the hell HAD he kissed her? Was he that desperate for a woman? He slammed his fist down on the armrest.  
  
*What's bothering Master?* Shadow wondered, watching the young man curiously.  
  
"Damn that girl!" Raven growled.  
  
*Oh. So THAT'S what's on Master's mind,* Shadow decided. He walked up to Raven and cooed at him. Raven narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Don't you look at me like that, stupid organoid," he snapped. "You think that just because whenever she's in the damn room my heart beats so hard I can't even hear myself think...I'm in love or something? Well I'm not! Stop assuming things!" Shadow sweatdropped.  
  
*Not only is Master horny, but he's insane, too.*  
  
"What are you yelling at that sweet creature for, you evil bastard?" Alandria called from the kitchen. Raven turned white. Had she heard him?  
  
"What business is it of yours, bitch?!"  
  
"Bitch?! Funny, that's not what you called me when you were groping me earlier!"  
  
"I did NOT grope you!"  
  
"Whatever you say, Mighty Raven," she mocked.  
  
"Maybe I SHOULD have killed her," Raven contemplated. Shadow growled and shook his large, metallic head. "Traitorous organoid. You like her more than you like me?"  
  
*I love Master,* Shadow reassured, bumping Raven's hand affectionately with his snout. *Female is nicer to me than Master is, but I could never love Female more than I love Master.*  
  
"You damn stupid thing," Raven said softly, petting Shadow's head. A slight smile appeared on his usually sullen face. Petting Shadow was kind of nice. He wouldn't do it all the time, but it wasn't so bad. The organoid closed his big blue eyes. "Why do you like me so much, Shadow?" Raven asked. "I've never once been good to you. If you had any sense, you'd have abandoned me a long time ago." Shadow nuzzled his master fondly and cooed.  
  
"Aww, a boy and his organoid," Alandria said teasingly, pressing a hand over her heart in a show of...somewhat false emotion. Raven immediately stopped petting Shadow. Alandria smirked. "Dinner's ready, Mighty Raven."  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"So? Is my cooking satisfactory?" Alandria questioned halfway through dinner, really just trying to make conversation. Raven wasn't big on talking, it seemed.  
  
"My ex-girlfriend's was worse," he replied. "You can take that as you will."  
  
"I'll just pretend it was a compliment, then," Alandria informed. "So...you've actually had a girlfriend?" Raven looked up from his plate.  
  
"Why is that so surprising?"  
  
"Well, to put it bluntly, I'm absolutely astounded that any woman would honestly enjoy spending time with someone as perpetually nasty as you," she explained. Raven snorted.  
  
"She isn't particularly the most sane of people," he said. Alandria nodded.  
  
"Masochist?"  
  
"You could say that. Hell, she only liked me because I scared her."  
  
"She sounds like a real catch," Alandria laughed. "So, what happened?" Raven groaned.  
  
"She started wanting to talk about our 'relationship'. Suddenly 'you and I' became 'we'. We were no longer 'Raven and Reese' we were 'us'." He rolled his eyes and shuddered. "I had to get away. But, she can't comprehend that, so..."  
  
"You've been running away with your tail between your legs? How manly, Raven, I'm impressed and intimidated. So let's see; she's insane, she's obsessive, she's stalking you, and she can't cook. What did you see in her in the first place?" Raven smirked at her.  
  
"She fucked me. Often."  
  
"Ah. Should've seen that one coming."  
  
"Heh. Well, not that I give a damn, but what about you? You ever had a boyfriend?" he asked. Alandria snorted.  
  
"Yeah, right. I've spent the last six years making sure my little brother and I didn't starve to death," she replied. "You try stealing your meals from food stores in military bases. It doesn't leave you much time, especially when you factor in out-running the military boys."  
  
"Where's your brother now? You get pissed off and kill him?" Raven asked, as though this were a perfectly normal thing to do.  
  
"First of all, you have no sense of family values whatsoever," Alandria shot back indignantly. "But no, we made some friends a few weeks ago, and he's staying with them - at a military base, no less. I'd feel bad about leaving him, but I trust them to keep him safe."  
  
"Why'd you leave?"  
  
"I got bored," she replied, shrugging. "I can't stay in one place for a long time. It drives me crazy. So, I guess you and I have that fear of commitment in common, O Mighty Raven."  
  
"You're deliberately provoking me."  
  
"Hell yeah, I am. You kidnapped me, you pay the consequences."  
  
"I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't been trying to steal my GenoBreaker," Raven snapped. "But I suppose, once a thief, always a thief."  
  
"Oh, yeah? And what about you, Mighty Raven? There's a bounty on your Zoid for a reason. What did YOU do?" she demanded, glaring at him. Raven's eyes clouded over, and he stared down at the table, considering his answer carefully.  
  
"I'm a murderer," he finally replied, his voice completely emotionless. A chill went through Alandria's body, but she covered it up.  
  
"Who'd you kill?"  
  
"I really don't want to talk about it," he muttered. Alandria thought she saw a new emotion in his eyes. Was it guilt?  
  
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said, in a tone so gentle that it succeeded in thoroughly shocking Raven. Because, hell, nobody's ever nice to Raven... Only his parents and Van's dad, but they're all dead (A/N- sorry. I'm getting off-topic).  
  
"Um...thanks, I guess."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Van?" Fiona asked that evening. "Do you think Thomas is...okay? I mean, he wasn't at breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner."  
  
"I'm sure he's fine," Van assured, wrapping a comforting arm around her and kissing her cheek.  
  
"I hope so. It must have been disturbing for him, seeing us...you know."  
  
"Butt nekkid?" Mercutio called loudly from across the room, where he'd been preparing a large cup of cappucino for himself. How the hell he heard them over the buzzing of the milk foamer is a mystery that will probably never be solved.  
  
"HOW THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS HEAR THINGS I *DON'T* WANT YOU TO HEAR?!" Van demanded (A/N- didn't I just say that in essence like, five seconds ago?) of the young blond.  
  
"Magic, dude," Mercutio replied, sitting down across from the new couple with his pure caffeine and smirking. "Actually, I saw Tommy-Boy in the shrink's office. Just figured I'd tell you."  
  
"Well, damn, I didn't think Fiona and I being together would upset him so much that he'd need psychiatric help," Van said. "Sheesh, what a weirdo..."  
  
"Thomas is very fragile," Mercutio said, struggling to keep a straight face. "Imagine if he'd walked in while you guys were actually doing it. He might have died." The boy started snorting with laughter at the thought.  
  
"At least if he were dead, he wouldn't be able to walk in on us," Van grumbled. Fiona frowned.  
  
"Van, that's a terrible thing to wish on Thomas," she scolded gently. "Besides, you got him back enough when you kicked him out of the room."  
  
"Man, I'd have done more than just throw him out of the room," Mercutio said.  
  
"No, I literally KICKED him out of the room," Van specified. "Mostly in the...er...soft area." Mercutio's eyes lit up.  
  
"Sweet," the boy replied, nodding his approval. "Well, looks like Karly's the only Schubaltz who's gonna be carrying on the family line. Heh heh heh."  
  
"Why do you say that?" Moonbay asked, as she and Irvine entered the room.  
  
"Van mutilated Thomas's balls," Mercutio informed gleefully. "Because Thomas walked in on Van and Fiona's little morning-after scene today."  
  
"Aw, Van, that's against every rule in the Guy Code," Irvine said, shaking his head sadly. "No matter what, you don't hit another man in the genitals. Unless he grabs your girl - then Guy Code is void, and you're permitted to chop off his nuts with a dull knife and use them as hackey- sacks if you want to."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," Van answered. Then he grinned. "Did you two have a good time tonight, Irvine?"  
  
"Eh. It was okay," Irvine replied.  
  
"Yeah, nothing special," Moonbay agreed.  
  
"Nothing special? You sure?" Van asked slyly. "Because all the hickeys seem to imply differently."  
  
"WHAT?!" Irvine and Moonbay screamed in unison, blushing furiously.  
  
"Oh," Mercutio said, as he examined their necks. "So THAT'S what hickeys look like. Shibby, man. You do anything else you wanna tell me about?" he asked hopefully.  
  
That earned him several blows to the head. He raced from the room with Irvine in pursuit, and yelled over his shoulder,  
  
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!" 


	13. A Kiss Goodnight?

(A/N- This'll be an interesting one, heh heh.)  
"Lieutenant Schubaltz," the psychiatrist (A/N- let's call her Dr. Jones, since I don't feel like being creative) groaned. Why did she always get the weird soldiers to work with? "You can probably leave now. You have, after all, been whining to me for the past few hours," she added under her breath.  
  
"But doctor, I'm a depressed man! The woman I love doesn't even know I exist!"  
  
"You're still young," Dr. Jones replied, pushing her greying hair out of her eyes. "It'll happen more than once." 'Why couldn't this boy be like his brother? Karl's the one with all the promise.'  
  
"But I don't understand!" Thomas wailed miserably. "How could she chose Van over me?! HOW?! WHY, GOD, WHY?!"  
  
"Oh? Van Flyheight? You mean that handsome boy who pilots the blue Liger? He seems like quite a catch for any young lady."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!"  
(A/N- just a small section for my anti-Thomas viewers!)  
***  
'What is wrong with that organoid?' Raven wondered, watching as Shadow willingly fetched a ball Alandria was throwing for him, and happily accepted her praise when he brought it back. 'Women are dangerous,' Raven decided.  
  
"Good boy!" Alandria crooned as Shadow once again dropped the ball into her hand. Shadow wagged his tail enthusiastically. Raven rolled his eyes.  
  
"Come on," he said, in his trademark emotionless tone. "We're going to bed."  
  
"Aren't you the cheery little drill sergeant," Alandria mocked, following him into the bedroom nonetheless. Shadow knew better than to follow. His Master didn't like him sleeping in the same room.  
  
"Get dressed," Raven ordered. Alandria made a show of rolling her eyes, before turning around and beginning to unbutton her dress.  
  
"D-Don't you think you should go into the bathroom to do that?" Raven stammered, blushing. He mentally kicked himself for acting that way.  
  
"What's the point?" Alandria asked, slipping the dress off and pulling some sleepwear out of her bag. "You've already seen everything I've got, remember?"  
  
'And damn, was it nice,' he thought, watching her pull a very small, spaghetti strap thing on over her head. 'No, stop thinking like this!' he ordered himself. 'She's a prisoner! You do not think this way about prisoners!' It had, after all, been several months since he'd last had sex, he admitted. That was probably what was making him act weird. With that conclusion, he pulled his shirt off and removed his various pieces of armor (A/N- you know, all the little metal sections on his clothes?).  
  
"So, you're not exactly the modest type, huh?" Raven taunted, turning back around, and noticing that Alandria was not there. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" he demanded. Was it possible that she'd escaped so easily? Had she deliberately made him careless, then gotten away as soon as the opportunity arose?  
  
"Geez, I'm right here, moron," she called, walking out of the bathroom while brushing her hair. "You're so damn paranoid." Raven hadn't heard much of what she'd said. He'd been busy noticing that the little silk camisole she was wearing showed a very nice amount of skin when she had her arms lifted to brush her hair.  
  
'SHE'S MY PRISONER!' he scolded himself. 'Why the hell does my prisoner have to be so damn cute?!'  
  
"Raven?" Alandria asked. "Why are you blushing?" Raven issued himself another mental kick.  
  
"I'M NOT BLUSHING, DAMMIT!" he roared. Isn't he subtle?  
  
"Well, aren't you the perky one tonight," Alandria said, her every word dripping with sarcasm.  
  
'Speaking of perky...' Raven thought, his eyes travelling downward from Alandria's face. 'NO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! DAMN IT ALL! GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU FUCKING PERVERTED THOUGHTS! OUT!'  
  
"God, you're weird," Alandria informed, giving him a look before climbing into bed. Raven had started smacking himself in the head to make the images go away. "I can't believe," Alandria continued, "that I'm being held hostage by a guy who won't allow me to be fully dressed, doesn't respect my privacy, doesn't appreciate anything I do, and is insane as an added bonus. I need to stop hanging around all these warped people."  
  
"Warped people?" Raven repeated, getting in bed himself. "Enlighten me about these 'warped people,' would you?"  
  
"Well, there's you, for one. You've definitely got issues," she replied, enjoying the look of annoyance on Raven's face. "Then there's my brother, he's weird as hell. And Van's REALLY out there." That caught Raven's attention.  
  
"Van?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, Van Flyheight. You know him?"  
  
"Yes," Raven snapped. "He's a complete retard!"  
  
"Well, yeah. But he's a nice retard. I take it you don't like him?"  
  
"I WAS determined to kill him a while back, but he showed his pathetic weakness and-"  
  
"He saved your ass, didn't he?"  
  
"HE DID NOT! HE WOULD'VE CROAKED IF *I* WASN'T THERE TO SAVE *HIS* ASS!"  
  
"But why'd you help him if you wanted him dead?"  
  
"Because- because...SHUT UP!"  
  
"Awwww, there is some good in you, Raven," Alandria cooed teasingly, tickling his bare stomach.  
  
"STOP THAT!" he ordered, grabbing her wrist and yanking her hand away. She gave him that cute smile he was beginning to hate so much, and laughed at him.  
  
"You have absolutely no sense of humor, do you?" she asked. Raven scowled.  
  
"I despise being tickled," he grumbled. "And no, I don't have a sense of humor, so drop the damn subject."  
  
"Yeesh, no sense of humor, AND no people skills," Alandria said, just loud enough for him to hear. "I'm gonna have a hell of a time being your little captive."  
  
"Just shut up and go to sleep," Raven growled. Alandria pouted and batted her eyelashes.  
  
"You mean I don't get a kiss goodnight?" she asked. Raven opened his mouth to say something nasty, but he stopped. He smirked.  
  
"Are you trying to provoke me," he asked, "or do you really want me to kiss you?" A bright pink blush appeared across Alandria's cheeks.  
  
"I...I," she stammered. Raven's smirk turned into a mischievous smile. He lay back and closed his eyes.  
  
"I suppose you can kiss me if you want to," he informed. He honestly didn't expect her to; in fact, he was waiting for her to start yelling at him. So it was a bit of a surprise when Alandria gently kissed his cheek.  
  
"Goodnight," she whispered into his ear, before cuddling up to him and going to sleep. Raven looked at her in shock for a moment before realizing,  
  
'Damn it, now SHE has power over ME. Shit!'  
A/N- SOOOOOOO sorry to keep y'all waiting so long for an update, but ya know how it is with starting a new semester in school. I had to work real hard to get into the swing of things for a couple weeks. 'Cause good GPA = possible-college-scholarship-because-I-sure-as-hell-don't-have-enough-money- to-pay-my-tuition-unless-I-write-a-best-selling-book-before-college-rolls- around. Yes, it's the second semester of my first year of high school, and I'm worrying about getting into college. Well, I've always tended to be a little ahead of myself... 


	14. Organoid Rodeo and The Shower Incident

(A/N- yes, I know I haven't updated in a LONG time, I'm horrible. T_T You can smack me if you want. But I've had no inspiration, and even this is a writer's block chappie, so if it ain't good, don't blame me. I'll watch some of my taped Zoids episodes and regain some of that inspiration, d'accord? Merci beaucoup.)  
  
'What is that sound?' Van wondered as he rolled over in his bed, after being woken up by all that thumping. 'Heh, probably Irvine and Moonbay showing their "affection" down the hall,' he mused to himself. He lay there for a few moments, then became wary. He had the distinct feeling that he was being watched. He opened his eyes...  
  
And found another face an inch away from his. Van yelped and sat straight up in bed, shocked. A second later, drowsiness subsided, he realized that he'd actually been face-to-face with Mercutio, who was now leaning back and laughing his crazy little head off.  
  
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?!" Van roared. Mercutio pointed downward in response. Zeke growled happily and wagged his tail. "And WHY are you riding my Organoid?" he asked, forcing himself to be calm.  
  
"'Cause I've never seen anyone ride one and I wanted to see if it could be done," Mercutio answered, as though this were a perfectly rational motive. "Besides, I'm bored."  
  
'Well, that explains the thumping,' Van concluded, realizing that he'd been hearing Zeke's footsteps the whole time. Mercutio surveyed the room.  
  
"Hey, where's Fiona?" he asked. "I figured you guys would be in here making puppies. Or, were you too tired from last night's aerobics?" he added slyly. Van smacked him upside the head.  
  
"None of your business, you perverted little twerp!"  
  
"Oh, come ON, dude! I'M not getting any, the least you can do is tell me what it's like! Like, gimme ideas for some moves, or whatever," the blond suggested hopefully. Van gave him a look.  
  
"What could you use 'moves' for, you don't even have a girl," he informed. Mercutio looked downtrodden.  
  
"I know," he sniffeled. Then he brightened up. "Would you lend me Fiona?"  
  
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Van roared, throwing the closest hard object - which happened to be a bottle of hair gel (A/N- how else would he maintain that mullet?) - at Mercutio's head.  
  
"Fine, be that way," Mercutio pouted. He held one hand up in the air like a rodeo star, spurred Zeke on, and cried, "Hi-ho, Silver! Awaaaaaaay!" as the two sped out the door. Van groaned and fell back onto his pillow.  
  
"Somebody has to be able to control that little punk," he grumbled. "Where's Alandria when you really need her?!"  
  
***  
  
*Alandria POV* (A/N- Oh, you SO knew that was coming)  
  
I awoke the next morning in an empty bed and a very cold room. It was perfectly clear that this place had an overactive cooling system and no working heat, and at the moment, no one to rob body heat from. Jerk as he may have been, at least Raven was a nice furnace when I needed one.  
  
I yawned, cracked my neck, and climbed out of bed, shivering like mad. Being half-naked at a room temperature of about 60 degrees (A/N- Farenheit, of course) does not bode well, by the way. I looked around the room. I wasn't quite sure where my captor was, nor did I particularly care at this juncture. Wondering exactly how long I'd slept, I checked the clock on the wall, only to find that it was before six. I groaned. Being cold always makes me wake up before I want to.  
  
"I need a very hot shower," I muttered to myself as I headed for the bathroom, still half asleep. It occured to me that I still didn't know where the towels were, but at the moment I was too cold and tired to go looking for them. Anticipating some lovely warmth, I opened the door.  
  
And I found that a certain black-haired menace had beaten me to the shower. The first thing that registered in my brain was 'Oh my God, he's naked!' I stared at him, and he stared right back at me, like it didn't even phase him.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry," I babbled, looking downward so as not to let him see me blushing. I discovered that this was a mistake almost as soon as I did it. The second thing that registered in my brain?  
  
'Oh my God, he's huge!'  
  
"What the hell are you just standing there for?" he snapped. I managed to tear my eyes away and focus on his face. Was it just me, or were his cheeks a little rosier than normal?  
  
"Sorry," I repeated. "I didn't know you were in here."  
  
"Yeah, like I care. Go make yourself useful, why don't you? Fix breakfast or something," he ordered, just as frigid as ever, as he wrapped a towel around his waist. I nodded and darted out of the room. Okay, subservience is not my thing, but I was relieved to get out of that situation.  
  
Shadow gave me this uber-confused look as I practically sprinted into the kitchen, then stopped to take a few deep breaths and try to calm myself.  
  
"Oh, boy," I muttered. The black organoid growled softly and nudged me with his snout, like he was asking me if I was okay. I smiled and began petting his head. "I'm alright, buddy, just a little...shaken." Yeah, that seemed like a good word for it. I couldn't think of anything better.  
  
And yet, even as I set about making breakfast, I kept seeing the same image of Raven straight out of the shower, the water still glistening on his perfectly toned body... Wow.  
  
I soon upgraded my condition from "shaken" to "insane".  
  
(A/N- yes, it's short, I know, but at least it's SOMETHING to tide you over until I get my inspiration back.) 


	15. Raven Has a Miroku Moment, and Van Gets ...

HealerAriel: Ladies and gentlemen of the Zoids Fanatic community, there is something I have to tell you. I believe I have gotten my inspiration back!  
  
Van: Took you long enough.  
  
HealerAriel: ...Shut up.  
  
Van: Well, it's true! Hell, the last chapter was pathetic! Naked Raven and Mercutio being a dumbass? Please, that is an all-time low!  
  
Irvine: Yeah, why is Mercutio even IN the fic? He's such a useless dweeb.  
  
HealerAriel: Mercutio is in the fic for two reasons. 1) He is based on my brother, and 2) no Zoids series should be without its village idiot, which NC0 proved so eloquently - let's have some applause for Bit, shall we?  
  
Bit: Yeah! ...Wait....  
  
Van&Irvine: Damn, he's stupid.  
  
HealerAriel: Yes, he's incredibly stupid, but he's cute, so he's forgiven.  
  
Bit: ^_^ I'm cute!  
  
Irvine: *looking out the window* Um, this is strange... And disturbing on so many levels.  
  
*everyone zips to the window and looks outside, where Liger Zero can be seen humping Leena's Gunsniper*  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
HealerAriel: So THAT'S how we get new Zoids. I KNEW IT!  
  
Irvine: *evil chuckle* I wonder if they got the idea from their pilots...  
  
Bit: *BLUSH*  
  
HealerAriel: I'd take that as a 'yes'.  
  
Bit: WE WERE CURIOUS, OKAY?! And it seemed like a good idea at the time...  
  
Van: Curiosity killed the moronic Zoid pilot. Especially if Leena's daddy finds out. Heh heh, you're screwed, blondie!  
  
Bit: ...Uh oh.  
  
HealerAriel: Oooookay, that's enough intro for today! ^_^;  
  
..  
  
'That girl gets more confusing with each passing second,' Raven grumbled inwardly. Her reaction earlier had been completely unexpected. Somehow, he hadn't imagined her as the type to blush and apologize after seeing a guy naked. Unless...  
  
He smirked. Was it possible that she wanted him?(A/N- well, duh, Raven...) That could definitely work to his advantage... Raven mentally smacked himself for thinking like that. He was NOT going to lust after his prisoner, much less now that he knew she was in league with the Guardian Force. He wasn't an insane masochist - that was Reese's department.  
  
Deciding not to bother with finding a clean shirt, he went into the kitchen in only a pair of pants (A/N- Fan Service Alert!). He found Alandria obviously looking for something in a cabinet, raised arms once again causing the camisole to pull up very far. He tried to ignore it, settling instead for starting to pour himself a cup of coffee. Somehow his eyes kept darting back to the girl's slender body.  
  
'The temptation's too great,' he admitted to himself, before giving in and tickling her exposed belly. She made a noise halfway between a yelp and a giggle, and promptly gave up her search of the cabinet to give him a murderous glare.  
  
"Don't DO that!" she snapped, crossing her arms protectively in front of her. He smirked.  
  
"What, you can do it to me, but I can't retaliate? That's not fair."  
  
"Neither is sneaking up on me," she informed. Raven found himself putting one hand on her hip, and lightly tracing his fingers over her abdomen with the other. And oddly, Alandria wasn't fighting him about it, other than fidgeting a little. In fact, she looked like she enjoyed it.  
  
"I bet you're ticklish, aren't you?" he asked, the infamous smirk having now reached legendary proportions. Alandria cleared her throat and stared him dead in the eye.  
  
"I'm not telling you," she declared.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Oh, right, and give you a possible weapon over me? I'm not that stupid."  
  
"No? I guess I'll have to find out for myself, then" he said, gently poking her belly button. She yelped again, and slapped him, blushing furiously.  
  
"Bastard!" she spat. Raven laughed, despite the fact that that had been one damn hard slap. Not only had that reaction been priceless, but he was also pretty sure that - taking into consideration her current facial coloration - she'd actually liked it a lot.  
  
'Wonder where else she's sensitive,' he thought, now particularly interested in finding all of her other places. He quickly berated himself for thinking such a thing, and realized that he still had a hold of her. And he found that he really wasn't all that keen on letting her go. 'Damn, she's soft...'  
  
"You could get your hands off me any time now," she growled, bringing him back to reality. Raven mentally kicked himself (A/N- he seems to be doing that a lot lately, doesn't he?), put on his usual blank face, and released her.  
  
"Whatever," he replied coldly. Alandria returned to her previous chore of preparing breakfast, shooting glares at him every now and then as he sat at the table, drinking his coffee.  
  
"You know," she said finally, "for someone who doesn't like me, Mighty Raven, you certainly touch me a lot."  
  
"I never said I didn't like you," Raven informed, his smirk returning as he came to stand beside her. "I just said I wanted to kill you. There's a difference," he finished, forgetting all about self-control and patting her backside.  
  
A moment later Raven's lip was bleeding again, courtesy of Alandria's fist.  
  
'I think I might have deserved that.'  
  
(A/N- Damn, it's fun to write Raven with an inner pervert...)  
  
***  
  
'Vengeance is sweet,' Van thought to himself, after he'd finished his project. He'd remembered recently that he'd promised Mercutio and Irvine revenge for stealing his towel the other day, and had decided upon a way to enact this lovely payback.  
  
The studly Lieutenant stood back and admired his work. Yes, this was a thing of beauty. Mercutio's Liger now had pink and purple spots, and "YOU SUCK" written in huge letters on the windshield. But the true work of art was Irvine's Lightening Saix: the poor, unsuspecting Zoid was decorated with the phrase "IRVINE IS A DICKHEAD" at several different locations, and as the finishing touch he had drawn a huge penis on the windshield, with an Irvine stick-figure attached at the shoulders (A/N- get it, visual depiction of a dickhead!).  
  
"Ah, I am a genius," Van said smugly, doing a little victory dance out of the hangar. Irvine and Mercutio would be checking up on their Zoids soon. Van chuckled evilly and continued his dance down the hall.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, in the living room, Moonbay was having a talk with Fiona. You know, THAT talk.  
  
"Oh..." Fiona said innocently, a blush spreading across her pale cheeks. "I guess I DID do something naughty, then..."  
  
"Ah, don't worry about it," Moonbay said reassuringly. "Irvine and I did the same thing last night." Fiona's eyes widened.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Hell yeah," the elder woman replied, now wearing a big smile. "Four times."  
  
"Oh my," Fiona giggled.  
  
A roar of horror and rage shot through the air. Moonbay smirked.  
  
"By the sound of it, I'd say Van handed out some revenge for that towel incident the other day," she predicted, just as the resident eyepatched honey went sprinting past the room, looking rather peeved. Which, of course, was a ferocious understatement. A few seconds later there was a high-pitched  
  
"OH NOO!" from the general direction of the hangar, and Mercutio could be seen running past with a facial expression similar to Irvine's. Moonbay's smirk grew.  
  
"Shall we see what they're up to, Fiona?" she suggested. The massively behootered ancient Zoidian nodded, and the two women headed out to where the guys had gone (There was lots of shouting, so they were easy to find).  
  
"C'mon, guys, it was funny!" Van said, wearing his signature goofy smile as the other two very pissed off Zoid pilots circled him like wolves.  
  
"No, Van, it was NOT funny," Irvine growled, clenching and unclenching his fists. "You. Have. Defiled. My. Beautiful. LIGHTENING SAIX!"  
  
"And you made my awesome Liger look like Pansy Zoid," Mercutio chimed in. "Dude, what the hell?!"  
  
"Hey it'll wash off," Van informed nervously, as both Irvine and Mercutio looked like they were about to start foaming at the mouth.  
  
"That's not the point," Irvine stated. "It's the principle of the thing. Hey, punk," he snapped his fingers in Mercutio's general direction. "We have to decide on his punishment."  
  
The violated Zoid pilots made a two-man huddle, speaking in low whispers. Van stared at them, wondering if they had truly gone insane because of his prank. If so, he was quite proud of himself. Finally, Irvine and Mercutio straightened up and eyed Van solemnly.  
  
"The verdict is in," Irvine declared. Mercutio nodded seriously.  
  
"Van Flyheight, you are being sentenced to shanking and a mondo- wedgie," he informed. Van started laughing, then stopped. He saw the creepy, evil grins on their faces. And he realized that they were serious.  
  
"HOLY FUCK!" was the last thing the brave Lieutenant Flyheight said before hauling ass down the hallway, with a mercenary and a thief hot on his trail, laughing like madmen. 


	16. A Mysterious Bargain, and Romance Novels

(A/N- ducks various objects thrown at her head Okay, okay, I'm sorry for the lack of updates!!)  
  
.  
  
.  
  
As it turned out, the graffiti DID wash off the Lightening Saix and Liger, though it was accomplished with quite a bit of muttering from Irvine and Mercutio. Sure, they'd been able to give Van a wedgie and pull his pants down in front of the vast majority of the high-ranking officers in the base, but damaging another man's Zoid was just something that you didn't do.  
  
"Stupid Van," Mercutio grumbled, splashing soapy water over his Liger's back, via some helpful scaffolding. "My day could be spent in better ways than cleaning off poor Darkness."  
  
"Tell me about it," Irvine agreed, then added to himself, "I could be banging Moonbay at this very second..."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Er, nothing," he assured Mercutio. Mercutio's hand flew dramatically to his forehead as he flopped onto his back on the scaffolding, feigning near-death.  
  
"So it is true," he wailed. "I am the only male at this base not getting laid! Why, God, why?!" Irvine rolled his eyes.  
  
"You might wanna cut back on the melodrama," he advised. "You're starting to sound like Thomas."  
  
"OH, FUCK NO!" Mercutio yelped, sitting bolt upright. Irvine grinned wickedly.  
  
"Well, as we ARE in cahoots, I suppose I COULD help you to get a chick... but it'd cost you," he added, eyeing the teenager who was soaking up his every word. Mercutio shifted onto his knees, hands clasped before him, gazing hopefully at Irvine.  
  
"Anything!" he promised. "My soul; my first-born son; my sister! Whatever you want, it's yours! Just teach me, sensei, I implore you!" (A/N- yes, my brother WOULD do this...) Irvine thought Mercutio was overdoing this a little, but it was funny to watch desperate and horny teenagers beg for help, so he didn't mind.  
  
"Alright, then," the mercenary began, "here's the deal..."  
  
.  
  
.  
  
"I really don't think one ass-grab warrants all this," Raven remarked, having been given the silent treatment and hateful glares for more than twelve hours now. Alandria treated him to another of said glares, then turned her full attention back to the book she'd found in what was obviously Raven's mother's collection; men don't generally keep romance novels, after all. Shadow whined from his position on the floor beween them, giving his master a reproachful look.  
  
"Shut up, what do you know about it," Raven muttered, lobbing a pillow at the organoid's head. Shadow gave an indignant grunt and went to curl himself up in front of Alandria's chair. Raven rolled his eyes and groaned. He had a huge house, an organoid, one of the most powerful Zoids on the planet, and a cute girl at his disposal - and he was bored out of his mind! There was something seriously wrong with this picture, he decided.  
  
"Come on," he tried, "you know you're not THAT angry with me." Alandria promptly presented him with the middle finger of her right hand. Okay, so, evidently she WAS that angry with him. "Fine, I get the picture. But you'll eventually need to know where the towels are," he added slyly. When all else fails, hit 'em with the obvious. And judging by the look on Alandria's face, she'd recognized his words as the truth.  
  
Raven smirked victoriously.  
  
"I won't tell you where they are unless you ask me," he said in a very uncharacteristic singsong tone. He could see in the girl's eyes that she was considering this - he was winning! "I know you're longing desperately for a shower," he prompted.  
  
Alandria mumbled something, her face hidden behind the book.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I said: 'You win,'" she growled, glaring at him once more. Raven restrained from pumping a fist in the air to celebrate his victory.  
  
"Of course I win," he replied, smirking, "I always win."  
  
"Just tell me where the goddamned towels are," Alandria snapped, dog- earing the page she was on and slamming the book down on the end table.  
  
"They're in the closet right next to the bathroom door," Raven informed, stretching out on the couch and chuckling to himself at the fact that she hadn't been able to find the towels on her own. Alandria glowered at him. He winked and blew her a kiss.  
  
"Bastard," she grumbled, chucking the pillow he'd thrown earlier back at him for good measure. He grinned mischeivously.  
  
"Getting any good ideas from that book?" he called to her retreating form.  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"Anytime you want to."  
  
Shadow growled and shook his head. I'm gonna go outside where it's not so, I dunno, stupid. (A/N- hugs to anyone who knows which movie that line's scammed from!)  
  
Raven watched his organoid traipse upstairs to the balcony. Quickly becoming bored, he picked up the book Alandria had been reading and flipped through it. A few minutes in, he gained a new respect for romance novels: there was no shortage of explicit sex scenes in that thing. He realized vaguely that reading through such scenes was a little self-defeating as HE wasn't getting any recently and was only making himself more desperate that way, but he figured he'd manage.  
  
(A/N- Yes, it's short. I know. I'm sorry!) 


End file.
